Quotes from Bill Vaughan

Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.

It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them.

People learn something every day, and a lot of times it's that what they learned the day before was wrong.

There's something about getting up at 5 a.m., feeding the stock and chickens, and milking a couple of cows before breakfast that gives you a lifelong respect for the price of butter and eggs.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas.

My father asserted that there was no better place to bring up a family than in a rural environment.... There's something about getting up at 5 a.m., feeding the stock and chickens, and milking a couple of cows before breakfast that gives you a lifelong respect for the price of butter and eggs.

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

As a nation we are dedicated to keeping physically fit — and parking as close to the stadium as possible.

I'm an actor. And I guess I've done so many movies I've achieved some high visibility. But a star? I guess I still think of myself as kind of a worker ant.

Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day.

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

A three-year-old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income -- which he then spends sending his son to college.

Maybe the answer to Selective Service is to start everyone off in the army and draft them for civilian life as needed.

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.

Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

People learn something every day, and a lot of times it's that what they learned the day before was wrong.

Retirement, we understand, is great if you are busy, rich, and healthy. But then, under those conditions, work is great too.

The Vice Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does.

It is easiest to lose your way in the forest after it is cut.

The things which must be, must be for the best, God helps us do our duty and not shrink, And trust His mercy humbly for the rest.

All of us must act selfishly to Iearn charity, must lie to learn honor, must betray and be betrayed to learn to value trust and commitment.