Quotes from Scott Lynch

Any man can fart in a closed room and say that he commands the wind

What is government but theft by consent?

I can't name the poison that's killing your friend. But the one that's killing you is called hope.

Only one way to win when you're being chased by someone bigger and tougher than you. Turn straight around, punch their teeth out, and hope the gods are fond of you.

There's no freedom quite like the freedom of being constantly underestimated.

If you want to write a negative review, don't tickle me gently with your aesthetic displeasure about my work. Unleash the goddamn Kraken. [on Twitter , July 17, 2012]

It's perfect! Locke would appreciate it. Bug, Calo said, Locke is our brother and our love for him knows no bounds. But the four most fatal words in the Therin language are 'Locke would appreciate it.' Rivalled only by 'Locke taught me a new trick,' added Galo. The only person who gets away with Locke Lamora games ... ... is Locke ... ... because we think the gods are saving him up for a really big death. Something with knives and hot irons ... ... and fifty thousand cheering spectators.

I cut off his fingers to get him to talk, and when he'd confessed everything I wanted to hear, I had his fucking tongue cut out, and the stump cauterized. Everyone in the room stared at him. I called him an asshole, too, said Locke. He didn't like that.

There are only three people in life you can never fool--pawnbrokers, whores, and your mother. Since your mother's dead, I've taken her place. Hence, I'm bullshit-proof.

Nice bird, asshole!

A boy may be as disagreeable as he pleases, but when a girl refuses to crap sunshine on command, the world mutters darkly about her moods.

I don't have to beat you. I don't have to beat you, motherfucker. I just have to keep you here... until Jean shows up.

When you don't know everything that you could know, it's a fine time to shut your fucking noisemaker and be polite.

I've got kids that enjoy stealing. I've got kids that don't think about stealing one way or the other, and I've got kids that just tolerate stealing because they know they've got nothing else to do. But nobody--and I mean nobody --has ever been hungry for it like this boy. If he had a bloody gash across his throat and a physiker was trying to sew it up, Lamora would steal the needle and thread and die laughing. He...steals too much .

You can't help being young, but it's past time that you stopped being stupid.

I can't wait to have words with the Gray King when this shit is all finished, Locke whispered. There's a few things I want to ask him. Philosophical questions. Like, 'How does it feel to be dangled out a window by a rope tied around your balls, motherfucker?

Stand aside, and try not to catch fire if I shed sparks of genius.

What's the n-never-fail universal apology? 'I was badly misinformed, I deeply regret the error, go fuck yourself with this bag of money.

We're a different sort of thief here, Lamora. Deception and misdirection are our tools. We don't believe in hard work when a false face and a good line of bullshit can do so much more.

To us — richer and cleverer than everyone else!

If reassurances could dull pain, nobody would ever go to the trouble of pressing grapes.

Any man can fart in a closed room and say that he commands the wind

Mew, the kitten retorted, locking gazes with him. It had the expression common to all kittens, that of a tyrant in the becoming. 'I was comfortable, and you dared to move,' those jade eyes said. 'For that you must die.' When it became apparent to the cat that its two or three pounds of mass were insufficient to break Locke's neck with one mighty snap, it put its paws on his shoulders and began sharing its drool-covered nose with his lips. He recoiled.

Quit being so hard on yourself. We are what we are; we love what we love. We don't need to justify it to anyone... not even to ourselves.