Quotes from Irvin S. Cobb

Golf - a young man's vice and an old man's penance.

If writers were good businessmen, they'd have too much sense to be writers.

A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.

A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings.

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been discontinued.

I've just learned about his illness; let's hope it's nothing trivial.

A good storyteller is a person who has a good memory and hopes other people haven't.

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

If a woman likes another woman she's cordial. If she doesn't like her she's very cordial.

Men are vain; but they won't mind women working so long as they get smaller wages for the same job.

As I understand it, sport is hard work for which you do not get paid.

A good storyteller is a person with a good memory and hopes other people haven't.

Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.

Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

As I understand it, sport is hard work for which you do not get paid.

Down our way we're always had a theory that the Civil War was not brought on by Secession of Slavery or the State's Rights issue. These matters contributed to the quarrel, but there is a deeper reason. It was bought on by some Yankee coming down south and putting nutmeg in a julep. So our folks up and left the Union flat.

Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.

Good motives butter no parsnips, and hell is paved with buttered parsnips.

Free schools were an invention of the Devil or the Yankees, which amounted to practically the same thing.

Son, it ain't that flag we've got a gredge ag'inst, it's the fellers that air bidin' under her now. They're our middlin'-meat, or will be when the fusees start poppin'. But that flag's all hunky-dory. Come to that, she's ez much our'n ez she is ther'n. She's fell into bad company for the time bein', that's all. And it ain't her fault, ez I can see it and ez all here sees it. So let her flaunt!

If writers were good business men, they'd have too much sense to be writers.