Quotes from Jim Butcher

Molly was arrested. Possession." I blinked at him. "She was possessed?

When you do something stupid and die, it's pathetic," I said. "When you do something stupid and survive it, then you get to call it impressive or heroic.

Rule number one of the wizarding business. Never let them see you sweat. People expect us to know things. It can be a big advantage. Don't screw it up by looking like you're as confused as everyone else. Bad for the image.

The wacky thing about those bad guys is that you can't count on them to be obvious. They forget to wax their mustaches and goatees, leave their horns at home, send their black hats to the dry cleaner's. They're funny like that.

I'm brilliant as well as skilled, he said modestly. It's a great burden, all of that on top of my angelic good looks. But I try to soldier on as best I can.

Ha-ha! Ah-hahahaha! I am wizard; hear me roar!

My gast was pretty well flabbered.

But they were doughnuts of darkness. Evil, damned doughnuts, tainted by the spawn of darkness . . . . . . which could obviously be redeemed only by passing through the fiery, cleansing inferno of a wizardly digestive tract.

the Female Once-Over--a process by which one woman creates a detailed profile of another woman based upon about a million subtle details of clothing, jewelry, makeup, and body type, and then decides how much of a social threat she might be. Men have a parallel process, but it's binary: Does he have beer? If yes, will he share with me?

My faith protects me. My Kevlar helps.

I've always felt that the best whips and chains are in the mind. With a little creativity, the physical ones are hardly necessary.

I'd been in hairier situations than this one. Actually, it's sort of depressing, thinking how many times I'd been in them. But if experience had taught me anything, it was this: No matter how screwed up things are, they can get a whole lot worse.

I didn't know this before, but as it turns out, Tyrannosaurs can really haul ass.

Gandalf never had this kind of problem. He had exactly this problem, actually, standing in front of the hidden Dwarf door to Moria. Remember when . . . I sighed. Sometimes my inner monologue annoys even me. "Edro, edro," I muttered. "Open." I rubbed at the bridge of my nose and ventured, "Mellon." Nothing happened. The wards stayed. I guessed the Corpsetaker had never read Tolkien. Tasteless bitch.

I'm trying to be diplomatic. The wisdom of my ass is well-known. If I didn't lip off to them, after shooting my mouth off to faerie queens and Vampire Courts--plural, Courts--demigods and demon lords, they might get their feelings hurt.

You, Madeline said, her voice hollow and wheezing, are like a bad case of herpes, wizard. You're inconvenient, embarassing, no real threat, and you simply will not go away.

HARRY DRESDEN—WIZARD Lost Items Found. Paranormal Investigations. Consulting. Advice. Reasonable Rates. No Love Potions, Endless Purses, Parties, or Other Entertainment

Oh, what would you like on your vegetarian pizza? Dead pigs and cows, I said. She glanced up at me and wrinkled her nose. They're vegetarians, I said defensively.

Thwart, I said. To prevent someone from accomplishing something by means of visiting gratuitous violence upon his smarmy person. I'm pretty sure that isn't the definition. Sarissa said. It is today.

Have you ever been approached by a grim-looking man, carrying a naked sword with a blade about ten miles long in his hand, in the middle of the night, beneath the stars on the shores of Lake Michigan? If you have, seek professional help. If you have not, then believe you me, it can scare the bejeezus out of you.

I put on the boots and kicked some monster ass.

I mean, we're all going to die. We know that on an intellectual level. We figure it out when we're still fairly young, and it scares us so badly that we convince ourselves we're immortal for more than a decade afterwards.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of trauma, I will fear no concussion.

Honey, I liked the Harry Potter movies, too, but that doesn't mean I ran out and got a Dark Mark tattooed onto my left forearm like you did.