Quotes from Bel Kaufman

In August they had a bad fright. Her lawyer had suggested that—in view of the circumstances—they drop the divorce. This filled them both with profound dread; at the thought of staying married, of sinking back into the deadly boredom of their pre-divorce days, they felt nothing but horror. They realized more than ever that marriage for them was unthinkable.

I am writing this during my lunch period, because I need to reach towards the outside world of sanity, because I am overwhelmed by the sheer weight of the clerical work still to be done, and because at this hour of the morning normal ladies are still sleeping.

She hasn't been back since, and we have a young per diem substitute who had taught shoes in a vocational high school on her last job. Though her license is English, she had been called to the Shoe Department, where she traced the history of shoes from Cinderella and Puss in Boots through Galsworthy and modern advertising. Best shoe lesson they ever had, she told me cheerfully. Until a cop came in, dangling handcuffs: 'Lady, that kid I gotta have.' To her, Calvin Coolidge is Paradise.

TO: ALL TEACHERS FROM: JAMES J. MCHABE, ADM. ASST. PLEASE PLOT AND HAND IN THE MEDIAN PERCENTILE CURVE BASED ON THE MIDTERM MARKS IN EACH OF YOUR CLASSES. IF A CLASS CURVE FALLS BELOW THE PERCENTILE OF FAILURES ALLOTTED TO IT, THE EFFICACY OF THE TEACHER MUST BE QUESTIONED. TEACHERS WITH THE HIGHEST NUMBER OF PASSING STUDENTS ARE TO BE COMMENDED. JJ McH

After the prescribed length of time and number of meals consumed and digested in unison, they felt they had sufficient community of interests to marry.

Lady stand on line before me, speak English so good, like genius, in America only four years, I ashamed tell twenty-two years; I tell twenty!" To class she went only once. "I don't go back," she said emphatically. "Too foolish book, Dick and Jane." She shrugged disdainfully. "Not Tolstoi!

Bel Kaufman (1911–2014) was a writer, teacher, and lecturer best known for her classic, bestselling novel Up the Down Staircase (1965).

Please admit bearer to class— Detained by me for going Up the Down staircase and subsequent insolence. JJ McH

Funny, how once you touched off a memory, it was like pulling out a stitch—all the others kept unraveling

And if this wasn't the happiness she had once so fiercely demanded, at least she had come to terms with life. That was probably as close to happiness as you could get.

This is from Payroll Division: I wasn't even teaching in June, and I certainly don't have $2.75. Apparently they don't know I'm file # 443-817 and have got me confused with another–possibly # 443-818?

This is just the first day; you'll get used to it. The rewards will come later, from the kids themselves–and from the unlikeliest ones.

To quote a noted Jewish humorist, Sholom Aleichem: "First comes health. You can always hang yourself later." As

I don't lose time playing verbal games, trying to remember what I forgot. "I don't remember your name," says one octogenarian to another. "Tell me what it is." The second one pauses: "How soon do you have to know?" he asks.

Children are the true connoisseurs. What's precious to them has no price - only value.