Quotes from Stephen Adly Guirgis

My name is MONICA—better known to you mere mortals as SAINT Monica. Yeah, dass right, SAINT—as in "better not don't get up in my grill 'cuz I'll mess your shit up, 'cuz I'm a Saint and I got mad saintly connects," okay?

I got a calling, y'all—you should try giving me a shout if ya ever need it, 'cuz my name is Saint Monica, I'm the mother of Saint Augustine, one of the Fathers of the Church, and ya know what? My ass gets results!

EL-FAYOUMY: You're very handsome, Caiaphas. CAIAPHUS THE ELDER: If I am, it's 'cuz God made me, not 'cuz you said so. Good day.

Why didn't you make me good enough...so you could have loved me?

JUDGE LITTLEFIELD (re: the writ): Cunningham, I do not like it when lawyers go over my head. CUNNINGHAM: You gave me no choice. EL-FAYOUMY: Objection, Your Honor!!! As human beings, we always have choice! Motion to strike! JUDGE LITTLEFIELD: Mr. El-Fajita, you are aware that the trial hasn't actually begun yet, right?

But even more than Tapioca, Cunningham, I dislike the following: Defense Attorneys as a rule, half-breeds in general, and Judas Iscariot as anything other than a cautionary tale.

When I was a kid and I'd be in trouble. I'd ask God to help me, and then once the fire was out, I wouldn't talk to Him anymore. When I got older, I began to find I needed some help spiritually, just to function.

One way to make a positive out of a negative is that you can put it into your work.

I was raised a Catholic, so I can even feel a little, you know, embarrassed or guilty if I'm really offending people's sensibilities. To a degree.