Quotes from Wendy Morgan

He says he's not broke but he is trying to sell his kidney and corneas.

He is so aware of being politically correct he refers to a taco as Hispanic food.

I don't give my weight. I weigh a hundred and plenty.

If there's a God why are there such things as famine and The Jerry Springer Show.

As a woman I resent the fact that in golf if I have the highest score I'm the loser.

I get confused with all the rules in golf. Let's say you're playing in L.A. and your ball lands on a dead body. Is your relief one or two club lengths?

My golf is getting better all the time. Today I parred all but sixteen holes.

Let us eat and drink: for tomorrow we diet.

I'm not much of a drinker. It only takes me one drink to get drunk . . . my fourth.

My husband lost a lot of weight on a new diet, and I resent it. It's simple, he just doesn't eat when I'm talking.

When she told her doctor that she always wanted to keep her weight exactly the same as her IQ, he gave her a lecture on anorexia.

If any of you are related to our main guest, let me know so I can speak slowly.

I don't want to be patronizing . . . that means "talking down."

I was chosen to speak today based on my senility.

A lot of you want me to hurry through the introduction. That's because you're so much older you don't want to waste a minute of your life.

I'd like to thank the committee that brought this event about. It was an equal endeavor. They did the food, decorations, and reservations, and I did the traffic flow.

I don't believe in astrology - of course, that's very typical of Leos.

My husband yells comments like "How long till you're ready? Throw out a date."

My sister started to smell trouble when on the second day of her honeymoon the groom started asking for separate checks.

A decorator can make lots of money - assuming she wins the lottery.

He's always been known to be entrepenurious.