Quotes from Paul Rudnick

Writing is 90% procrastination. It is a matter of doing everything you can to avoid writing, until it is about four in the morning and you reach the point where you have to write.

There is only one blasphemy, and that is the refusal to experience joy.

I never got that show - Les Miz. It's about the French guy, right, who steals a loaf of bread, and then he suffers for the rest of his life. For Toast. Get over it!

If God didn't want you to have it, He would never have let you see it.

I was determined to think about nothing, which never works, because a blank mind is an invitation to truth.

State your name." "Venice Huber." "Occupation?" "Well, it's hard to say. I don't model, land of the seventeen bimbos. I don't act—after all, isn't an actress just a model who won't shut up? Let's say, oh—homemaker. Could you die?

A person's bathroom, I believe, is the only three-dimensional expression of their soul.

Catey, you were so on it," said Sophie. "You just stood there and you looked around and you saw this convertible. You pointed at it and you said, 'The Lord provides.'

When I was laughing I couldn't tell if I was pretty or not, but I looked happy.

let me understand this musical theater nonsense—you're being gay for credit, right?

Darling, my darling-- have you ever been to a picnic? And someone blows up a balloon, and everyone starts tossing it around? And the balloon drifts and it catches the light, and it's always just about to touch the ground, but someone always gets there just in time, to tap it back up. That balloon-- that's God. The very best in all of us.

Just think of AIDS as . . . the guest that won't leave. The one we all hate. But you have to remember. Hey--it's still our party.

The most crucial prerequisite for any couple's longevity is to have both partners unequivocally accept, as a baseline, that the person they love is insane and has no morals.

There is only one blasphemy, and that is the refusal to experience joy.

As a writer, I need an enormous amount of time alone. Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials. It's a matter of doing everything you can to avoid writing, until it is about four in the morning and you reach the point where you have to write. Having anybody watching that or attempting to share it with me would be grisly.

Dysmorphia is when someone looks in the mirror, and sees something else. While I studied my own whatever I was, I decided that maybe everyone has at least a touch of dysmorphia; maybe it's impossible for anyone to ever truly know what they look like.

Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials. It's a matter of doing everything you can to avoid writing, until it is about four in the morning and you reach the point where you have to write.

Because there's a clock attached to every beautiful woman. From the second she comes into her own, she begins to decline, because she begins to age. Aging is every beautiful woman's kryptonite. And so, yes, it's ridiculous and no, you don't have much time and of course it's not fair. Those three statements are the essence of beauty.

Rocher was on the floor, crawling on her stomach toward Jate's feet. "I love you...," she kept repeating, in a demonic whisper. "I have to show you... my butt.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something quite different about you, from the last time we were together, what could it be…." Was this my ultra-dose of Intoxicated taking effect? "I know!" said the prince happily. "You're a national disgrace!" "And do you know what else is interesting," I replied. "In America, Prince is a dog's name.

Nightlife is not for sissies, except of course for career sissies; an evening out requires at least a full day of minute preparation. . . . People move to New York to invent themselves, and nightclubs provide a runway for the results. It's easy to spend twenty hours per day slaving in a Pennsylvania coal mine or threshing some Nebraska oat crop; going out in New York is work.

My compulsive thoughts aren't even thoughts, they're absolute certainties and obeying them isn't a choice.

And so I continue in borderline poverty, save for my one indulgence, no, my single absolute necessity: I take cabs. Yes, on occasion, when I wish to see what people with unpleasant skin conditions are wearing, I do take the subway. I have never, I am proud to say, taken the bus, because people who take the bus have given up.

I believe in a benevolent God not because He created the Grand Canyon or Michelangelo, but because He gave us snacks.