Quotes from Chris Elliott

That's what keeps me up at three in the morning: Who's looking at reviews of Cabin Boy right now?

I'm not a competitive person.

I don't get offered many dramatic roles. As soon as my face pops up in a movie, everyone knows I'm the funny guy.

I think the whole idea of me was that I wasn't going to be but that I wanted to be, desperately.

But I don't think I was ever destined to be a big star.

Somehow, by just continually pestering the general public by appearing on television, they accepted me and wanted more.

The sun is the hottiest planet, and it would burn you if you tried to eat it.

The majestic architecture, the cultivated manners, the simplicity of life, the disregard for one's fellow man, the plagues, the rampant corruption, the unmitigated racism, and the uncontrollable violence--all the things our grandparents called 'the good old days'...

By all accounts this evening promised to be yet another in the long progression of dog days that oozed like a piece of soft, runny brie with a hunk of moldy French bread and washed down with a mug of room-temperature Clamato.

I missed the boat when I was doing Late Night.

That's what keeps me up at three in the morning: Who's looking at reviews of Cabin Boy right now?