Quotes from Jay E. Adams

The best way to be a good father to your children is to be a good husband to their mother.

I don't care what problem you face; it has no power to defeat the cross of Christ.

Cf. also Acts 3:14, 15: "But you disowned the Holy and Righteous One,…and put to death the Prince of life." Boldness (Acts 4:31) and confidence Acts 4:13) now characterized his personality since he had "been with Jesus" and since he had received the Holy Spirit.

they insist upon obedience to God's commandments rather than submission to one's feelings. Rather, they do so, first, because God requires this and, secondly, because they know that it is only in this manner that the proper feelings of peace and joy can be achieved.32

One of these norms says that Christians must not talk negatively to other people about those who are not in the group. Instead, they are instructed to speak privately about their differences to these individuals themselves. Matthew 18:15-17 is quite clear on the point.33

To shorten what otherwise might become a long list of possible points of failure, it is sufficient to say that counselors may fail in exactly the same ways that their counselees have failed. Consequently, it is important for counselors to examine their own lives and their counseling practices in the light of every failure they detect in others. Counselees become strong reminders of human error and sin and, in that sense, are among the counselor's most valuable teachers.

According to Leviticus 19:17, 18 it is of the essence of love for one's neighbor to avoid grudge bearing by dealing immediately with matters that have come between them. Resentment and hatred are not easily distinguished in Scripture.

Instead of these mild, oblique approaches, we must learn, in such cases, to be irenically direct.

Basic to the New Testament concept of motivation is the task of becoming what you are. In a real sense we are not merely human beings, but also human becomings. The Christian life is not static; it is a life of change.

While victories in the struggle are possible through Christ (vs. 25), they do not come easily or apart from daily battles involving just such self-sacrifice. All change is hard, and there must be powerful motivation to achieve it. Since change comes only gradually and through patient endurance, there must be hope.2

Similarly, the Scriptures urge the believer to be what God has declared him to be in Christ.

The options given to them are the same options that one faces now. They reflect two distinct moralities, two antithetical religions, and two discrete manners of life. The one says: "I shall live according to feeling"; the other: "I shall live as God says.

The problem in counseling is to bring Christian counselees to full recognition of the glorious reality of the eternal inheritance. The present, as a result, will be strongly conditioned by the future. This great hope and assurance provides a foundational motivation to make the present approximate the reality of the future.

It is a clever "wile" of Satan to tempt men to think that they cannot do what God requires because they do not feel like doing it, or that they must do what they feel like doing and cannot help themselves.

The great revolution in psychiatry has solved few problems… One wonders how long the hoary errors of Freud will continue to plague psychiatry. 1 Patients, failing to recover after years of analysis and thousands of dollars later, have also been wondering about the boasts of psychiatry. Some, getting worse, have begun to suspect that many of their problems are iatrogenic (that is, treatment induced).

If a new relationship based upon biblical change and help is not established, then it is likely that one or more of the parties will revert to his old ways again. If so, again an unreconciled condition will develop. This failure frequently results in a kiss-and-make-up pattern.

But because they (wrongly) use the title "Christian counselors" they deceive many -often including themselves. It is not a matter of their motives, but it is a matter of their commitment to biblical counseling.

When help in changing is not sought and the old ways and the old relationships are allowed to continue, the parties set themselves up for a reoccurrence of the offense. Mutual effort to discover and solve issues God's way must be encouraged by the counselor. The only way to cement a new relationship that will enable both parties to forgive and forget past offenses and to avoid and/or handle future failures as well is by means of such effort.

In all such interpersonal relations, principles previously set forth in other sections of this book are applicable. The teacher must be careful to stress the urgency for reconciliation, the need for forgiveness and help, the importance of first removing the log from one's own eye, and the necessity for attacking problems rather than people.

Change, then, is necessary, but change is hard. One of the major reasons why Christians founder is because they are either unwilling to make changes or do not know how to make the changes that God requires of them in order to meet the vicissitudes of life.

The authority is God's. Although mediated through various styles, the fundamental authority of God in counseling must be evident in all biblical counseling. Any personality traits that interfere with, rather than mediate the message must be altered. That is why the Lord changed the apostle Peter from a weak, vacillating, fearful disciple to the bold fearless disciple who told the authorities, "We must obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29).

Wherever the Spirit of the Lord is at work, one of the discernible evidences of His presence is changed personalities. Men can and do change. Peter and Paul did; so can you. Sanctification (personality change toward holiness) is the work of the Spirit through His Word.

Counselees continually confuse learned behavior patterns with inherited nature (phusis). Counselors may take it as a rule that any quality of life, attitude of mind, or activity that God requires of man may be acquired through the Lord Jesus Christ.

James directed that when the patient discusses his sickness with the elders and prayer is made, the possibility of sickness as the result of sin ought to be discussed. If sin is found in the background of the problem, it must be confessed.