Quotes from Jordan Sonnenblick

(Yes teenage boys who are fine always cry on their mothers' shoulders until they leave a snot trail.)

I tucked him in with his stuffed-animal pet dog—cleverly named Dog-Dog, by the way.

You are a wonderful son, and a wonderful man. Yet another parent busting forth with the "man" thing! I'd have to check my chest for signs of hair when I got home.

And if there was one thing I'd finally figured out, it was that your mind is something you always CAN change.

Did you really JUST fall, Jeffrey? Why does everybody in my family talk in these dramatic CAPITAL LETTERS all the time? Why am I the only calm one?

The only time I can ever remember Steven crying over any of it was after my treatment, when I tried to use my foot on his bass drum pedal, and we realized I could never play a drum set.

It's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my parents would say we should stop having this public "discussion".

If you promise you will get better instead of dying, I promise I will, too.

Did you really JUST fall, Jeffrey? Why does everybody in my family talk in these dramatic CAPITAL LETTERS all the time? Why am I the only calm one?

What do you call a planet where bad guys stroll through life with success draped around their shoulders like a King's cloak, while random horrors are visited upon the innocent heads of children? I call it Earth.

Who's that? That's the King. Who's he? The Duke. Who's she? The Princess. What do they call you? The Count. What does that make me? Umm…how about the Peasant? And the name stuck.

Some kids do drugs. Some kids light stuff on fire. Me, I eat oats.

And if there was one thing I'd finally figured out, it was that your mind is something you always CAN change.

I seriously think I could have sat in the middle of the kitchen floor rubbing two sticks together over a pile of dynamite blocks and gasoline cans, and my parents would be oblivious, as long as I was keeping myself occupied.

Note to self: It's hard to attain a state of no-mind when you're incredibly pumped up on tea and sugar and have to urinate every three and a half minutes.

Oh, good lord, Jeff. Don't go getting all emotional on me. I've been getting it from my mom, my dad, my sister, the freaking MAILMAN--I don't need it from you, too. All I ask is that you promise me one thing.' 'What?' 'Just water the plants while I'm gone, all right?' 'You don't have plants, Tad.' 'I know. I just always wanted to say that.

I dove on those papers like Sherlock Holmes on a cappuccino binge.

It was like seeing Bill Gates at age thirteen, times two. And half of him was wearing a cheerleader uniform. Yes, I know that's a weird image.

Renee was beautiful, but she was my friend now. On the other hand, Annette was my friend, but now she was beautiful. makes about as much sense as anything ever does with girls

You look like a handsome young man…although you might want to zip your fly. Mom! What? Should I have not told you and left it for everyone else to notice at the dance?

Chicks dig a dude who's sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.

Steven, I know I phrased that as a question, but it was really a command. Yes, but mine is…ummm…private. Private, Steven? Yes, Miss Palma. PRIVATE Steven? Again with the capital letters?

I tucked him in with his stuffed-animal pet dog—cleverly named Dog-Dog, by the way.

Take care, Jeffy. I'll see you soon, right? Just remember not to throw food at the nurses. I don't want to get any complaint calls, OK? Steven, I don't throw food at…oh, that was a joke, right? Yup, buddy boy. It was a joke. But seriously, no kissing the nurses on the lips, either. It messes up their makeup. Eeeeeeewwwww!