Quotes from Firoozeh Dumas

My father's motto has always been 'Room in the heart, room in the house.' As charming as this sounds, it translates into a long line for the bathroom and extra loads of laundry for my mother.

My parents are highly evolved worriers. ... If worrying were an Olympic sport, my parents' faces would have graced the Wheaties box a long time ago.

Without my relatives, I am but a thread; together, we form a colorful and elaborate Persian carpet.

Despite a few exceptions, I have found that Americans are now far more willing to learn new names, just as they're far more willing to try new ethnic foods... It's like adding a few new spices to the kitchen pantry.

I always made sure to put them back in the exact order in which I had found them, for fear of losing the privilege of browsing in my uncle's library.

I realize that Original Cindy is a compass, but instead of pointing north, she points to "horse story.

My parents do not limit themselves to worrying about things that have actually happened. Dreams are also fair game. I often get phone calls with detailed descriptions of a dream, followed by "So naturally, I had to call to make sure you were okay and there wasn't a reason why I dreamed of you trapped in a canoe with a blue turtle.

I knew what he was thinking. Thanks to Mickey, I had been elevated from child-who-can't-learn-to-swim to child genius. The

During our stay in Newport Beach, the Iranian Revolution took place and a group of Americans were taken hostage in the American embassy in Tehran. Overnight, Iranians living in America became, to say the least, very unpopular. For some reason, many Americans began to think that all Iranians, despite outward appearances to the contrary, could at any given moment get angry and take prisoners.

My dad says that the dogs and cats in America are luckier than most people in the world.

It seemed to me that life in America was one long series of festivities, all of them celebrated with merriment and chocolate. The

I also said that in my next life, I wanted to be Swedish. In Islam, the censor said, there is no next life. There is only one life. I hope that in my next life, I do not have to deal with censors.

Here, those kids are called nerds and geeks and dorks. This may be the only country where people make fun of the smart kids. Now that's stupid. I only hope that the engineer who built the bridge I drive across or the nurse who administers our vaccines or the teacher who teaches my kids was a total nerd.

A fruit basket would have been nice, but instead we found that a flyer had been slipped under the door. Dear Brainwashed Cowards, You are nothing but puppets of the corrupt Shah. We will teach you a lesson you will never forget. Death to the Shah. Death to you. My father crumpled the flyer and threw it away. "Let's find out where they're having the dinner buffet," he said.

Regarding Girl Scout Camp survival skills: "For instance, if I see a snake, I should stand still or walk backwards slowly, never run. I am one hundred percent sure I will not do that. But now, while running as fast as I can, I will be thinking, I shouldn't be running.

Shushtari proverb "Any gift from a true friend is valuable, even if it's a hollow walnut shell." It's fair to say that the Shushtari floating in my house

We had always known that ours is a small country and that America is very big. But even as a seven-year-old, I was surprised that so many Americans has never noticed us on the map. Perhaps it's like driving a Yugo and realizing that the eighteen-wheeler can's see you.

When I announced to my family that I wanted to add an American name, they reacted with their usual laughter. Never one to let mockery or good judgment stand in my way, I proceeded to ask for suggestions. My father suggested "Fifi." Had I had a special affinity for French poodles or been considering a career in prostitution, I would've

We never sought exotic forms of discomfort; they were part of a package deal that came with our homeland.

Asking my father to ask the waitress the definition of "sloppy Joe" or "Tater Tots" was no problem. His translations, however, were highly suspect.

At some point, someone must have yelled "Good job, Kaz!," which my father interpreted as "You should go on television and win a fortune!" Bowling

Is that boy from your country?" she asked me. "Why, yes," I wanted to tell her. "In my country, which I own, this is National Lose Your Child at Disneyland Day." "No," I told her. "He's not from my country.

A couple of days of this powdered cuisine and my uncle actually lost a few pounds. Things were going well until he decided that adding a couple of scoops of Baskin-Robbins improved the flavor substantially. Following

I will never understand why most schools in America celebrate Halloween, effectively losing an entire day of education to prepare kids for collecting candy.