Quotes from Haim G. Ginott

Anger should be expressed in a way that brings some relief to the parent, some insight to the child, and no harmful side effects to either of them.

A warning serves as a challenge to the child's autonomy.

It is essential that a child's life not be ruled by the adult's need for efficiency. Efficiency is the enemy of infancy. It is too costly in terms of the child's emotional economy. It drains the child's resources, prevents growth, stifles interests, and may lead to emotional meltdowns. Children need opportunities to experiment, struggle, and learn without being rushed or insulted. Anxiety

The main purpose of music education in childhood is to provide an effective outlet for feelings. A child's life is so full of restrictions, regulations, and frustrations that outlets of release become essential. Music is one of the best avenues of release: It gives sound to fury, shape to joy, and relief to tension. Parents

The peaceful home, like the hoped-for peaceful world, does not depend on a sudden benevolent change in human nature. It does depend on deliberate procedures that methodically reduce tensions before they lead to explosions. Emotionally healthy parents are not saints. They're aware of their anger and respect it. They use their anger as a source of information, an indication of their caring. Their words are congruent with their feelings. They do not hide their feelings.

The single most important rule is that praise deal only with children's efforts and accomplishments, not with their character and personality. When

There is a better way: description that details delight and admiration, words that convey recognition of effort, and statements that transmit respect and understanding. June,

An empathic response that mirrors to children their upset feelings and expresses the parents' sympathy and understanding is effective in changing children's angry moods. The

permissiveness is the acceptance of imaginary and symbolic behavior. Over-permissiveness is the allowing of undesirable acts. Permissiveness and acceptance of all feelings bring confidence and an increasing capacity to express feelings and thoughts. Over-permissiveness brings anxiety and increasing demands for privileges that cannot be granted. Permit

Feelings must be dealt with before behavior can be improved.

The plain fact is that responsibility cannot be imposed. It can only grow from within, fed and directed by values absorbed at home and in the community. Responsibility that is not anchored in positive values can be antisocial and destructive. Gang members often show great loyalty and strong responsibility in relation to one another and to their gang. Terrorists take their duties in dead earnest; they carry out commands, even if they involve sacrificing their own lives. The

When the child is allowed to experience the self as an individual with self-originating needs and goals, that child begins to assume responsibility for his or her own life and its demands. Allowance:

Often an ounce of humor is worth a ton of words.

Words of praise should mirror for the child a realistic picture of her accomplishments, not a distorted image of her personality.

The limit against hitting a parent should not be modified under any circumstances. Effective upbringing is based on mutual respect between parent and child without the parent's abdicating the adult role.

Where do we start if we are to improve communication with children? By examining how we respond. We even know the words. We heard our parents use them with guests and strangers. It is a language that is protective of feelings, not critical of behavior. What

Behind many childhood questions is the desire for reassurance. The best answer for such questions is the assurance of our abiding relationship. When a child tells of an event, it is sometimes helpful to respond not to the event itself, but to the feelings around it.

When we are understood, we feel loved.

They want us to understand what is going on inside them, what they are feeling at that particular moment.

We would like to believe that patience is a virtue. But is it? Not if it demands that we pretend to be calm when we feel agitated, that we not act the way we feel, that our behavior, instead of reflecting, hides our true feelings.

In discipline whatever generates rage should therefore be avoided. Anything that enhances selfconfidence and respect for one's self and others is to be fostered.

The limits are set in a manner that preserves the selfrespect of the parents as well as of the children. The limits are neither arbitrary nor capricious, but educational and character building. The restrictions are applied without violence or excessive anger. Children's resentment of the restrictions is anticipated and understood; they are not punished additionally for resenting the prohibitions.