Quotes from Graham Chapman

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories. McGough: Really? When? Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time...

Always look on the bright side of life.

Health care does not worry me a great deal. I've been impressed by some wonderful old people.

Death can really absorb a person. Lik most people, I would find it pleasant not to have to go, but you just accept that it's more or less inevitable.

Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast your flock. Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don't bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok.

It's nice to see that look of alarm on the faces of the others.

You know, Python should have won a Grammy for our musical work on the show.

Exploding is a perfectly normal medical phenomenon.

A secure future seemed mapped out for me. Too secure, too mapped out. If I carried on in medicine, I realized I'd have a pretty good idea exactly what I'd be doing ten, twenty and even thirty years from that moment. It struck me like a halibut from the North Sea that that was not the way my life should go at all. What was the point of working on through the age of sixty-five and taking a chance on a better reincarnation next time?

For male readers: imagine being nine months constipated having inadvertently swallowed a coconut whole, and then being asked to lie on an operating table, legs apart, with lots of people watching dressed in silly clothes. Would you be able to shit?

I realized then that I didn't have to have women all the time, and that guilt is the weapon used by a muddled society to stop people having a good time. 'All the world loves a lover.' What crap! Even in the sexually liberated 'seventies young people still had to get pissed or high to do what they really wanted to do in the first place.

World War II... did not happen to everyone, but it happened to most. There were people from Germany who were throwing bombs at us.

Stormy in love, stormy in interviews, breakfast in bed - that's me, love.

I hope I will have achieved something lasting.

Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark

John Howard Davies was not a very human person... if you made a mistake of any kind, any sort of pause in speech, he would treat you rather as if he was a schoolmaster.

Dressing up as decrepit old ladies, and even decrepit young ladies, was one of our staples.

All ideas come about through some sort of observation. It sparks an attitude; some object or emotion causes a reaction in the other person.

Exploding is a perfectly normal medical phenomenon.

I can't talk to a man who bears an undeserved animosity towards ferrets.

I fart in your general direction. Your mother has a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

All ideas come about through some sort of observation. It sparks an attitude some object or emotion causes a reaction in the other person.