Quotes from Dan B. Allender

Whether the perpetrator is acting under direct satanic sway, or indirectly in the way that all sin can be ultimately tied to satan's province, a certain degree of deceit and subtlety can be assumed in all sexual abuse.

The issues that are found in all our lives are more intensely and dramatically present in the struggles of those who have been sexually abused. An understanding of sexual abuse, therefore, will help make clear what happens to anyone's soul when he or she is sinned against; whether normally and inevitably, or severely--when abuse occurs.

Sexual abuse is any contact or interaction--visual, verbal, or psychological--between a child/adolescent and an adult when the child/adolescent is being used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator, or any other person.

De-cide. Homo-cide. Sui-cide. Patri-cide. The root word decidere means "to cut off." All decisions cut us off, separate us from nearly infinite options as we select just one single path. And every decision we make earns us the favor of some and the disfavor of others.

When life is hard, pleasure can be more than a diversion. It can easily become a need. We easily move from a properly moderate enjoyment of sensuous experience to a consuming desire for it.

We should expect anyone who remains in a formal leadership context to experience repeated bouts of flight, doubt, surrender, and return. Why would this be God's plan? Why does God love the reluctant leader? Here is one reason: the reluctant leader is not easily seduced by power, pride, or ambition.

Anyone who wrestles with an uncertain future on behalf of others—anyone who uses her gifts, talents, and skills to influence the direction of others for the greater good—is a leader. No one is a mere follower. If you are a follower of God, for instance, then you are called to lead. Every believer is called to help someone grow into maturity—and such is the core calling of a leader.

Emotion links our internal and external worlds. To be aware of what we feel can open us to questions we would rather ignore. For many of us, that is precisely why it is easier not to feel. But a failure to feel leaves us barren and distant from God and others.

Instead, the Psalms invite us to question God. But they do this in the context of worship—they were the hymnal used in public worship. God invites us to bring before Him our rage, doubt, and terror—but He intends for us to do so as part of worship. This is the kind of emotional struggle we must engage in if we are to fathom the nature of God's heart for us.

It is in the dark struggles with God that we are surprised by His response to our anger and fear. What we receive from Him during our difficult battle is not what we expect. We assume He wants order, conformity—obedient children. Instead, we find that He wants our passionate involvement and utter awe in the mystery of His glorious character.

Self-doubt is common when our efforts fail to bring results. Failure is a rock in our shoe that nags us until we find relief. At first, failure to achieve our desired end will elicit careful scrutiny (What can I do better?) and resumed commitment (How can I try harder?). Success may be achieved—straight As, an athletic scholarship, perfect Sunday school attendance—but the real goal—a happy family, an end to the abuse, or relief from the pain—is always out of reach.

If you love the unlovable, let another person's desires take precedence over your own, or even worse, love someone who has hurt you, then you are likely love addicted, codependent, and emotionally unhealthy.

1) they move against us: attack; (2) they move away from us: abandonment; (3) they move toward us: love. In the context of a sinful, fallen world, our emotional responses to these relational movements can generally be characterized as fight or flight. The following diagram shows how these responses give rise to our difficult emotions.

At the deepest level, the taste of forgiveness must come from the One most offended in order for life and love to be restored. In every case of sin, it is God who is most hurt and offended by our refusal to love. It is His forgiveness that is central to any movement to love after love has been trampled under the muck of hatred.

The Sabbath is not a vacation; it is a grateful celebration. Who are you celebrating? To whom do you owe your life, your current taste of re-creation? Who marked you with kindness that has enabled you to offer care in return? Who has scarred you with heartache that has enabled you to enter the wounds of others with grace? We are called to bless those who love us and those who love to do us harm.

Jesus, the fullness of God and man, is the full perfection of humanity, and he calls us to a humanity that is full and alive, without flaw or fault.

To enter the realm of play, we must give ourselves to something or someone and turn away from all else. It is both a pledge and a betrayal.

What might it look like if we lived as if we will not be endlessly divided from those who have brought us harm and whom we have failed as well?

The Sabbath is a party, and what is a good party without a drinking song? Almost all the early John Wesley hymns were sung to what at the time was wild pub music.

Perhaps a better explanation for why it's so difficult to feel our feelings is that all emotion, positive or negative, opens the door to the nature of reality. All of us prefer to avoid pain—but even more, we want to escape reality.

Abundance is not about possession; it is utterly, completely, and solely about gratitude.

Joy must be chosen, but the deeper conundrum is that it can't be controlled or cajoled as to when it will come or how long it will stay.

It is not wrong to petition God on the Sabbath, but the heart of the Sabbath is to delight in all he has given us, rather than to ask for what has not yet been fulfilled. Prayer on the Sabbath might well fit into the categories of praise or invitation.

Action is never enough if defined as eradicating the problem. Action is always enough if it is faithful to the call of the moment.