Quotes from Judy Tenuta

I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist.

Love Goddess in training. It could happen.

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait."

I am a morning person...I love waking up, walking & reveling In the beauty of all the flowers and trees....while chugging a 5th of vodka!!! It could happen.

How many of you ever started dating someone because you were too lazy to commit suicide?

I majored in nursing. I had to drop it. I ran out of milk.

I got an A in philosophy because I proved that my professor didn't exist.

Have you ever dated someone because you were too lazy to commit suicide?

What do men want? Men want a mattress that cooks.

I am more comfortable doing comedy, and I want to perform comedy. When you can really make someone laugh, that's a healing experience. It's like music. A lot of music is really healing.

My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Just wait."

My work is a mitzvah for the eyes & ears...and it will help you forget about your problems by thinking about mine for a change!

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit a suicide?

Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you.