Quotes from Gary Gulman

I've always wanted to do more significant stuff. I think of myself as well-informed, but the hardest thing to do is talk about politics and current events and be funny and not just preachy.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was the quarter from behind the ear gag. He would never put the time in.

If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.

Maybe a silver lining to growing old is being able to watch Usual Suspects for the first time, again.

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.

Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.

I was born when my dad was 50... It's weird growing up with a dad that much older than you. We'd go to the movies, we're both getting discounts.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

It's a real valley when I talk about veal. And calf roping. People were sensitive about calf roping. Which I think is quite funny.