Quotes from Richard Turner

Mudslinging - In politics, anything bad the opponent says about our candidate; in contrast, when our candidate does this, it is called 'making a good point.

Grammar Checker – A software program that is not needed by those who know grammar and virtually useless for those who don't.

Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.

Self-Checkout Line – The place where customers of an establishment become unpaid employees of the establishment.

Anytime I see someone blocking the aisle in the supermarket while talking on a phone, I want to ram that person with my shopping cart.

I'm a woofer, not a tweeter; a writer, not a telegrapher; an essayist, not an aphorist.

The security staff boasted that a squirrel could not get onto the grounds without their knowledge. However, they could not explain a family of deer that seemed to come and go as they pleased.

Cagayan River.

In the blink of an eye, the ship dropped out of faster than light travel and came to an almost dead stop five hundred meters from the California.

It was Lewis. He stopped where he was and looked around, searching for his quarry.

The sound of sporadic gunfire echoing through the narrow streets of Dublin sounded to ten-year-old Patrick Murphy like the rolling thunder from a summer storm brewing somewhere in the distance. Patrick peered around

After a half hour of sitting and staring at Mister Lewis sitting on his box, Patrick heard the sound of an engine

The sound of sporadic gunfire echoing through the narrow streets of Dublin

Anytime I see someone blocking the aisle in the supermarket while talking on a phone, I want to ram that person with my shopping cart.