Quotes from William D. Lutz

female soldiers n. males with female features During the war in the Persian Gulf, the Saudi government rejected the idea of female soldiers coming to their defense (women make up one-tenth of the U.S. forces), so it designated the women soldiers "males with female features.

polluted mod. environmentally stabilized While residents complained of polluted beaches and virtually nonexistent clean-up, Exxon executives referred to the beaches in Alaska affected by the Valdez oil spill as "environmentally stabilized.

rotten fruits and vegetables n. distressed produce sewage plant n. wastewater conveyance facility sewage sludge n. 1. regulated organic ingredients 2. bioslurp 3. organic biomass Some people may call the residue of treated sewage "sludge," but to John Gonzales of the Reno-Sparks, Nevada, sewage treatment plant it's "organic biomass." 4. biosolids It might look like sludge to you, but others call it "biosolids." 5. regulated wastewater residuals

sugar n. crystallized, evaporated cane juice

sunk mod. comfortably settled at the bottom Workers tried for two days to move a replica of the 17th-century ship Godspeed into the water. Now only the masts and rear deck are visible in the harbor. "We don't consider it sunk," a spokesperson said. "We consider it comfortably settled on the bottom of the river.

thermometer n. digital fever computer

explosion n. energetic disassembly fake beef n. 1. restructured beef 2. textured meat alternative fake cheese n. cheese analog fake crab meat n. surimi-based crab analog fake diamonds n. real counterfeit diamonds fake jewels n. faux jewels fake leather n. genuine imitation leather

vinyl n. vegetarian leather Drew Bernstein, the Los Angeles clothes designer, sells dresses made of "vegetarian leather.

wastepaper basket n. user-friendly, space-effective, flexible deskside sortation unit Government officials in Toronto, Canada, paid $123.80 [Canadian] each for "user friendly, space effective, flexible deskside sortation units," more commonly known as wastepaper baskets.

atomic war n. thermonuclear or nuclear exchange

hunt v. 1. harvest The state of Florida preferred the word "harvest" to the word "hunt" when it allowed hunters to kill 35,000 alligators. 2. naturalize kill (ANIMALS) v. 1. harvest; see also hunt 2. manage wildlife 3. depopulate

attack n. assuming an offensive posture The military refers to attack as "assuming an offensive posture.

bomb v. 1. effective deliver of ordnance (DOD) Phrases such as "effective delivery of ordnance" are not likely to invoke mental pictures of thousands of tons of bombs falling on buildings and people.

bullet wound n. ballistically induced aperture in the subcutaneous environment

light switch n. ideogram illumination intensity adjustment potentiometer

mousetrap n. rodent elimination device

civilian casualties n. collateral damage When General Bernard Rogers was asked if collateral damage meant civilian casualties, he said "Yes.

nuclear waste n. 1. valuable, important nuclear materials 2. monitored retrievable storage Nuclear waste has been called "valuable, important nuclear materials" and nuclear waste dumps referred to as "monitored retrievable storage.

combat n. violence processing (DOD)

dead enemy soldiers n. decommissioned aggressor quantum dead soldier n. non-viable asset

Doublespeak turns lies told by politicians into "being economical with the truth," sewage sludge into "regulated organic nutrients" that do not stink but "exceed the odor threshold," the death of a patient in a hospital into "negative patient care outcome," an explosion and fire in a nuclear power plant into an "energetic disassembly" and "rapid oxidation.

furniture n. habitability improvements (U.S. Navy) The U.S. Navy paid $31,672 for a couch, 20 dining room chairs, and a loveseat for the destroyer USS Kidd. The furniture was called "habitability improvements.

genocide n. 1. ethnic cleansing When Serbian gunmen go door-to-door in a Bosnian town pulling Slavs and Roman Catholic Croats from their homes at gunpoint and herding them forcibly onto cattle trucks and deporting or later shooting them, the Serbs call it "ethnic cleansing." - New York Times, May 22, 1992 2. depopulation 3. elimination of unreliable elements

What do you call dumping 22,000 pounds of organic chemical waste into the Mississippi River every day? You call it "organic loading.