Quotes from Brad Stine

If we all die and there is no God, then it's just eternal unconsciousness, you'll never know, but if you're wrong... you'll know forever.

If God is a crutch, then atheism is a coma.

God is a crutch? Yeah, well, not believing in God is a coma.

I bring up God alot in my show, know why? Because I miss him.

Get out of our schools God, get out of our textbooks God, get out of our government God, go away God, go away God, go away God, Katrina hits, God, where are you?

People don't realize, or maybe they've forgotten, that there was a time in history when standup comedy wasn't something that you had to hide your kids' ears from.

We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings. "Well, I'm bored. Let's go brush our teeth." Or, "I've got to make a phone call. Hold this gum in your mouth."

The way to stop political correctness is to not do it. If someone says, You offended me then you say I don't care! If they're offended by the truth, that's their issue!

If you can't say something nice... about an overrated, ungrateful European nation that would have been wiped off the face of the earth twice in the twentieth century if it weren't for the United States and which has given nothing to the culture in the past two hundred years but whine and cheese, both of which are made better in California, then don't say anything at all!

Talk about sexist - have you ever, ever, heard someone come up to a woman and say 'find your masculine side?' And by the way women, if you find your masculine side - I'm not interested.

I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that you're unable to get scared, and 2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing words correctly.