Quotes from Gene Perret

Grandchildren don't stay young forever, which is good because Pop-pops have only so many horsey rides in them.

I'm now as free as the breeze — with roughly the same income.

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

I always give my grandkids a couple of quarters when they go home. It's a bargain.

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure.

My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.

I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have — if only for self-defense.

In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball.

Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition — with the possible exception of closet space.

Two things I dislike about my granddaughter — when she won't take her afternoon nap, and when she won't let me take mine.

Do you know why grandchildren are always so full of energy? They suck it out of their grandparents.

Humor is the lifeblood that keeps new careers alive.

The Joke is not a collection of words; it's the scene that appears in the listener's mind as a result of those words

Comedy depends on the unexpected.

Creativity comes with that little bit of extra effort.

When you channel your thinking, your mind becomes much more productive.

Inspiration is usually stingy.

Comedy is basically truthful.

Each joke suffers in comparison to its neighbors.

No joke will work if you have to furnish a detailed explanation with it.

Writing good humor requires a considerable amount of imagination and a great deal of discipline.

Part of a comedian's entertainment value is that he can say things that normal people either can't or won't say.

When in doubt about a joke, drop it. Its easier to write a new joke than it is to get new friends.