Quotes from Blaize Clement

August in Florida is God's way of reminding us who's in charge.

They say God never gives us more than we can handle, but sometimes I think God has overestimated what I can take.

Protecting people from the truth is another way of shutting them out.

Perfume companies ought to bottle the smell of crisp bacon. Forget pheromones. I'll bet a woman with a little spot of bacon grease behind her ears would attract every male within a five-mile radius.

Being young is easy, you know, but it takes guts to be old.

I told him, 'You can start in the middle and kiss your way thirty-six inches to the right, and then you can go back to the middle and kiss your way thirty-six inches to the left. You can just kiss my big ass.

Heads of warring nations could learn a lot about how to achieve lasting peace by watching dogs and cats who live in the same house.

I love the unabashed over-buttered, over-creamed, deep-fried, gooey, over-sugared excessiveness of Amish food,

August in Florida is God's way of reminding us who's in charge.

Staying in the safe darkness of memory and yearning is easy. Going forward to the light of possibility takes courage.

Now here's the thing about being a little off-center; you're never sure if you're a bona fide loon or if you have insight that other people don't have.You have to navigate through life using a kind of psychic gyroscope to keep from falling too far one way or another, and you feel a peculiar kinship with other people who are also a little bit off-center.

When you're young, you're more prone to overlook friends' faults and forgive their weaknesses because you know you're all still cooking and nobody's done.

Now I take care of animals. I go to their homes while their owners are away and feed them and groom them and play with them. They don't ask a lot of questions or expect much from me, and I don't have to interact with people any more than I choose to. At least most of the time.

I always see to the dogs first and leave the cats and the occasional birds and rabbits and hamsters for later. It isn't that I play favorites, it's just that dogs are needier than other pets. Leave a dog alone for very long and it'll start going a little nuts. Cats, on the other hand, try to give you the impression that they didn't even notice you were gone. "Oh, were you out?" they'll say, "I didn't notice." Then they'll raise their tails to show you their little puckered anuses and walk away.

If I ran the world--and God knows I could do a better job of it than the yahoos doing it now--any leader who sent troops off to fight would have to march at the head of the ranks. That would bring about world peace in four weeks.

Here's how they make a spicy grapefruit margarita at Colonel Teddy's Tiki Bar on Siesta Key: Take a fresh habañero pepper, cut it in half, and then steep it in three ounces of Pueblo Viejo tequila. Next, add an ounce of freshly squeezed lime juice, an ounce of freshly squeezed grapefruit juice, and then one ounce of simple syrup plus a couple handfuls of crushed ice. Cover and shake it

I love the unabashed over-buttered, over-creamed, deep-fried, gooey, over-sugared excessiveness of Amish food.