Quotes from Katt Williams

The past is something for you to learn from and the future is something that you hope is going to happen, but I'm always speaking to my actual fans in present tense.

I think pimp, therefore i am.

A woman gets stretch marks from one of two things. Either she was big and got small or she was small and got big.

Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.

My name is "A Pimp named Slickback" Wait... A Pimp?? ... Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.

America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait.

My legs tired, ain't your legs tired!? His legs ain't Tired! He Just... Tinktinktinktinktinktink, TinktinkTinktinkTinktink!! Just paperclips and Sparks everywhere!

He comes back with the script, and it's racist like a 1940's Newspaper.

If you didn't laugh at Jared Fogle, then you would cry.

Golf is a game with morals. There's always an opportunity to be a scoundrel. That's why it's a gentleman's game.

I go where people are hurting. I stand on the stage, and I make people laugh for an hour and a half.

That is the job of a comedian: To take unpleasant subject matter and forcibly, with his hands, wring the funny out of it.

Genius is often called crazy, but crazy is never called genius. So you just have to put out the work and let the chips fall where they may.

Hello?... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven... Well try it if it doest work call me back we'll figure this thing out.