Quotes from Matthew Heines

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Tom Brady's balls" Nothing more than a publicity stunt to keep the NFL Network from losing San Francisco's market share.

Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Eating Crow" This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Tooth Fairy" Growing up in the Northwest was tough. For years I thought the Tooth Fairy was a big boat with cars and sharp teeth.

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Unger Games" If your meals depend on you beating the Seahawks, you're gonna go "'Unger-y.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Humility" If you don't have it, you're gonna get it.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Soylent Green" No matter how many times I see that movie, I still get a hankerin' for a Big Mac.

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Patriot Act" In theater and football, it's the last act before it's curtains for Seahawks opponents.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Look out Below!" Air Asia's catchy new advertising slogan.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Forgiveness" Steroids for the Soul.

Wisdom of the Ages "News People" Always joking around and happy. I guess that proves that ignorance really is bliss.

Wisdom of the Ages: "True Nobility" Comes not from thinking one is better than others-it comes from working toward the betterment of all.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Friendship" The only ship that can weather any storm.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Skull and Bones" A secret society of spoiled twits whose apparent purpose in life is littering the landscape with as many as possible.

Wisdom of the Ages: "The Pope and Congress" It looks as if confidence in the American voter to exorcise the demons in the Capitol has completely fallen through.

Wisdom of the Ages: "President's Day" One allowed the Federal Reserve and one got lead. One got a city and the other got dead.

Wisdom of the Ages "Unsuccessful Town Slogans" Sequim (WA)- "We put the Dung in Dungeness.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Government" Like a mafia protection racket-without the protection.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Now that NBC is giving him a sixth month "leave" I wonder if he will be "Killing Time-In Saudi Arabia!

Wisdom of the Ages: "Brian Williams Week" Just like me in 2003, it looks like Brian Williams ended up "Between Iraq and a Hard Place.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Valentine's Day" Because she never forgets, especially if you do.

Wisdom of the Ages: "Unsuccessful pick-up lines" 'My parole ends today, let's celebrate!

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Super Bowl Sunday" "Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain-and all the children are insane.-" The Doors