Quotes from Lois Greiman, One Hot Mess

I ain't taking no more rides on the stupid train.

Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after.

Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.

Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack.

In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.

Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me.

He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy.

Jealousy. It's a terrible thing. Unless it's someone else's.

It'd hardly be worth having a brother at all, if you couldn't smack him in the head every once in a while.

It's not who you know, it's who you sleep with.

He's just a flash in the pants.

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen

Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head ain't that easy, either.

They say love makes the world go around… I been dizzy for a long time.

I fear that someday you will abandon the joys we share and find another not worthy of your charms.

You're just so lucky blood's so hard to get out of the carpet.

You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you.

Every morning I read the obituaries. If it ain't there I make myself a cup of tea and carry on like I have the past century or so.