Quotes from Suzanne Finnamore

God works in mysterious ways, baby, and there is never more evidence of this than when your life is going along fairly well, actually sailing. The sensation of wind through your hair becomes, for an extremely brief time, commonplace. It is then that God lowers the cosmic boom. He will not show up; that is the kind view. The unkind view is that he sits back to watch with a high-ball and a bowl of nuts.

Marriage is a conspiracy from Tiffany, florists, the diamond industry, and Christian fundamentalists. The only thing good about it is the diamond ring, the wedding gifts, and the honeymoon.

To keep myself from harming or calling N and to stave off the rage and despair, I focus on my extraordinary son, drink midrange Chardonnay every night after he is asleep, and make a barrage of late-night mail-order retail purchases placed from the couch. The couch has officially become my second battle station. I am angry and I have credit And I´m all blackened inside; I should wear a pointy witch hat around Larkspur as I go to the bank and drop A off at day care. It would be more honest.

We talk. Darlene worries aloud that her husband works with a lot of attractive young women; she herself is fourty. I tell her it´s not about age. "Little thing called character," I say, thinking, Accepting marital advice from me: the height of lunacy.

I think: I would like to take N back to a story right now, like a rake. I would say, "Oh, this rake is uneven. Do you have any where the tines go straight across?" I would like to do a straight exchange. But there are things that cannot be returned. Errant husbands are one of them. Wives are not. Wives can be exchanged; I have always known this.

It had all seemed as inevitable as sunset. Instead it was the beauty of the sun glinting upon the scythe.

I know I am playing out some tragic Greek play and I´m horrified, but the show must go on.

Then they took us to the birthing suite, which I call the electronic bullshit room because it's full of all sorts of electronic bullshit we can't fathom but are just glad to have on principle.

If you are a girl, I don't think you should necessarily become a lesbian, although if the idea appeals to you, I wouldn't say anything against it. I wouldn't try to stop you. Men can be obstinate and difficult to live with. Unlike myself, a perfectly reasonable woman unless shown a bag in which I am to place my vomit. IF you are a boy, I apologize.

I review what I know once again, confronting the monolith now alien and almost unconnected to me: my marriage.

Gains There is no man in the house that I have to try to make happy. There are no more arguments, or nights when I turn away from N in quiet dispair as he snores with an entitled regularity. Everything also stays cleaner; the toilet seat is perpetually down. I have the remote control to the television; no one can take that away. I can watch the Lifetime channel without derision.

Why is edamame always ready to expire? It´s so urgent for a vegetable. Edamame. It sounds like an assisted form of suicide. Is there an advertising concept in this?

Just know that it is impossible to feel joy while you are feeling cynicism. It is like wearing tight shoes and trying to mambo.

For me, it´s sloth," I say. "Hedonistic sloth and escapism.

It's adult swim time and I'm diving in here at the shallow end.

For most people, I edit. Most people are definitely getting along on the Cliffs Notes.

Next to me N floats in a parachute of his own design: He wants the divorce; I don´t. He pushed me; I fell. I plummet; he pulls the ripcoard and feels a refreshing lack of weight or gravity.

I no longer blame Thing Woman or myself quite so much for N´s leaving us. I look at him sometimes for an unguarded moment and see a tall, crooked man with yellowing teeth and a leer. I see new N. Bad N. Vulnerable to anyone with a vagina. I also see Good N, just a glimpse, here and there. And Noncommittal N, an extra in his own life, just hitting his marks and looking well pressed. He´s become a whole group of people, a cache of ghosts tugging at my sleeve. Good N was phenomenal.

On the metaphysical front, the burning of sage is unsucessful. House reeks of doom, and now sage too.

We never remember what is important, only what matters to us

I don't know how I got Michael. Maybe I just had a store credit from some other very lonely and shitty life.

Wonderful; such an active word——to be full of wonder.

N complained of his unhappiness whereas I bore mine like a Brownie badge. I like to think I acted out less than he did, but I am probably wrong. I can´t see anymore.

Hello. Yes. You left A´s raincoat in your car Saturday? That´s cool. Look, try to hang on to this new raincoat I bought him today. We had a good day, by the way. We took a bath and I gave him a haircut. Reagarding you and your new girlfriend, She Who Doesn´t Exist You Swear To God? Fuck you ." It feels good. But the good feeling doesn´t last. It is thin, a cheap sweater. No way to take back the words, either.