Quotes from Kevin Leman

Powerful kids don't just happen; they're created. Give in and you won't win. Force a blowout, then remain calm.

When I speak about marriage, I often quote this equation: E – R = D (Expectations minus Reality equals Disillusionment). That little equation can apply to a lot of things in family living, but another equation fits blended families much more aptly: N × R = C (Naïveté times Reality equals Chaos).

The person who is a defeated perfectionist generally has a conscience that's way too big. So big, in fact, that it magnifies shortcomings and failures and won't let its owner forget sins or imaginary sins of years ago, even though they have long since been repented of or paid for.

You can be a genius, but you won't get far in life without balance.

Growing up in a family is a lot like stepping onto that stage in which everyone is ad-libbing. You have a part to play, but it's difficult to say at first exactly what it is because no one receives a script at birth. So you spend years figuring out what your role is without stepping on anyone else's toes.

Your private logic is shaped both by who you innately were when you were born and who you became through your family environment.

One more thing to remember as you battle failure: you are almost certainly battling guilt as well. Just ask yourself, Do I feel guilty much of the time? For most perfectionists, the answer is almost always yes. I have counseled many people whom I sometimes call "the guilt gatherers of life.

Memories are also tainted by lies.

Treating your children differently conveys to a child, "Mom and Dad don't treat us the same because we're different. I get it." If parents bend over backward to treat all kids the same, none of the kids will feel special or appreciated.

You may be all too conscious of your own blemishes and feel like that imperfect, rejected block (or an imperfect blockhead), but the Master Artist, who knows what you're made of better than you do, takes your worst flaws and incorporates them into the beauty of his creation-you!

What's in Your Rule Book? What is a great evening to you? How did your parents resolve conflict? If you had an hour to do anything, what would you do? Name 3 things married people should never do. What would really disappoint you about someone you love?

Firstborns or onlies tend to be conscientious, well organized, serious, goal oriented, achieving, people pleasers, and believers in authority.

you always need to be teaching your children how to be responsible and how to think of others.

The point is, parent, you don't have to react to everything.

boys into sports programs where they're expected to behave like seasoned professionals. It's not tying your love and acceptance

As you're getting ready to launch your teenagers into an unsuspecting world, it's imperative that you stand shoulder-to-shoulder with your spouse—with no daylight between you.

Firstborn girls who grow up under a very perfectionistic, critical father are often hard on themselves and put themselves in situations that aren't healthy as they look for the love, affirmation, and acceptance they didn't get from their own father. When such a firstborn daughter grows up and marries, her husband will pay the price for the sins of her father.

lies drive a wedge between who you really are and who you act like you are, and the greater the distance between those two, the greater the dissonance in your life will be.

32 Deciding to leave home     41 Life Events Scale for Children The death of a parent   

First, when directing your people, use persuasion, not coercion.5 Instead of making pronouncements, make requests. Offer suggestions and ideas. Don't dictate and demand; instead, advocate and recommend.

I believe that love takes time. I believe there is such a thing as infatuation at first sight, but not love at first sight.

That's the way it is with firstborns. Mom and Dad may think they're in charge, but the firstborn knows better, and so does the youngest sibling.

Your home needs to be a place where your kids can fail—and learn from their failure. Surround them with love, show them how important they are to you, but don't try to undo their failures. It's not our job as parents to get our kids off the hook.

Let's face it. It's taken years for you to learn to be the person you are, so you're not going to change overnight. But the good news in that you can unlearn those aspects that you want to change and chart a new path in life. And it's never too late to start, whether you're 20, 40, 60, or 80!