Quotes from Janet Geringer Woititz

You are not responsible for everything that doesn't work out and everything that does work out is not a matter of coincidence.

Adult Children of Alcoholics was largely based on the premise that for the ACoA there is a lack of data base: ACoAs do not learn what other children learn in the process of growing up. Although they do wonderfully well in crisis, they do not learn the day-to-day process of "doing life.

3. Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth. 4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy. 5. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun. 6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously. 7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships. 8. Adult children of alcoholics over-react to changes over which they have no control.

Exist? o limit? pân? la care un om poate oferi, f?r? s? primeasc? niciodat?, nimic în schimb.

The family is affected when the relatives and friends can no longer tolerate the consequences of alcoholism and avoid the alcoholic and his/her family. The family is also directly affected by the alcoholic's behavior. Unable, without help, to counteract this, the family members get caught up in the consequences of the illness and become emotionally ill themselves.

Since self-esteem is based most importantly on the amount of respectful, accepting and concerned treatment from significant others, it is logical to assume that the inconsistency of the presence of these conditions in an alcoholic home would negatively influence one's ability to feel good about him or herself. Interestingly enough, a variable such as the age of the subject was insignificant as a determinant of self-esteem.6

1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is. 2. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.

9. Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval

Once you have become good at being a compliment detective, it's time to share some of your feelings with others. The following three-step formula will make it easy: (1) Be specific. (2) Say the person's name. (3) Follow up with a question.

If the child of the alcoholic, not unlike the alcoholic, is ever to mature, there must be accountability. Part of having a strong sense of self is to be accountable for one's actions. No matter how much we explore motives or lack of motives, we are what we do. We take credit for the good and we must take credit for the bad. The key is to take responsibility for all of our behavior.

Nothing worth doing is worth doing in moderation.

You probably got to know some kids. But that caused problems, too. How many times could you go over to your friend's house without inviting him to your house? There was always a sense of that dreaded day when your friend would say, "Let's play at your house this afternoon." You could only go to your friend's so often without having to face the inevitable. Maybe it just wasn't worth it to have a friend.

This section of the book contains the how-to of unhooking from the past and living in the present, all the while being mindful of the future.

First, you were set up for the situation in which you now find yourself. You never had a chance to "do it right" because you've never experienced what "doing it right" looked like, or felt like. It hasn't been your fault if you have always felt that other people knew some secrets about successful relationships that you didn't know.

These characteristics are caused by the fact that you never knew when, or if, your parents would be emotionally available to you. You only knew unpredictability and inconsistency. Once the drinking or the trouble began, you simply did not exist. From experience you knew your needs would not be met until the drinking episode and any accompanying crises were over.