Quotes from Jason Love

Remember, the early worm gets devoured by the early bird.

It only seems like it would be funny to enter a bank wearing a ski mask.

Las Vegas: all the amenities of modern society in a habitat unfit to grow a tomato.

Nature also abhors a vacuum salesman.

The odds of getting a diet soda when you order one at the drive-through are roughly better than chance.

The microwave oven is the consolation prize in our struggle to understand physics.

October is not only a beautiful month but marks the precious yet fleeting overlap of hockey, baseball, basketball, and football.

I could have been a doctor, but there were too many good shows on TV.

So long as there's a jingle in your head, television isn't free.

If it can't be fixed by duct tape or WD-40, it's a female problem.

Fruit only angers my need for chocolate.

Why do we pay for psychotherapy when massages cost half as much?

Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight.

The elderly don't drive that badly; they're just the only ones with time to do the speed limit.

If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams.

I want to have a good body, but not as much as I want dessert.

The upshot to dying is that you don't have to go to work the next day.

I want to have a good body, but not as much as I want dessert.

If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

Fruit only angers my need for chocolate.

If it can't be fixed by duct tape or WD-40, it's a female problem.

Las Vegas: all the amenities of modern society in a habitat unfit to grow a tomato.

The microwave oven is the consolation prize in our struggle to understand physics.