Quotes from Renée Evenson

don't know why you feel you have the right to treat me disrespectfully and, frankly, I don't care. I've put up with it long enough, and I need you to stop treating me this way." ("I" phrase)

When confronting someone, refrain from using the words always or never. When you say to someone: "You always…" or "You never…," the other person is going to focus more on that one word

You don't want your opening statement to sound like an attack the other person's character, so always begin with an "I" phrase:

Conflict is one of the most difficult situations we face because it thrusts us out of our comfort zone.

Sample Phrases of Apology Offer a phrase of apology whenever you feel it will encourage empathy between the other person and you.

I'm sorry if I seem overly sensitive." "I'm sorry if I misunderstood your intent." "I'm sorry that we need to have this conversation." "I apologize if I misunderstood what happened." "I regret that I have to bring this up." "Please forgive me for feeling this way.

Let's talk about this. I need to know why it happened and how we can keep it from happening again." "Can we talk about what happened?" "I feel that we need to talk this out so it doesn't happen again.

Let's go somewhere in private and try to resolve this." "Let's talk this over and find a suitable compromise." "I'd like to hear how you saw the situation so that I better understand.

Here's how you see the issue: ________. And here's how I see it: ________. Let's see where we can come together on this." "Since we don't agree why this happened, let's lay out the facts and come up with a solution we both can live with.

Why don't we each state our viewpoints? Then we'll see if we can find common ground." "We need to resolve this somehow. The only way to do that is for each of us to be flexible and try to come together.

To me it wasn't trivial. Do you have a few minutes now? I'd like to talk this over and find an agreeable solution. (compromise) Let's go into the conference room where we can talk in private." After closing the door, Kate said: "Why don't we try to look at the situation from each other's viewpoint? That may help us find an agreeable solution." (compromise)

I value our working relationship…. Going forward I feel we'll be able to work through any problem." "I'm glad we talked this out…. Now I'm confident we can work through any problem.

That's because your words convey your message, but your actions convey the feelings and emotions behind it.

Apply the following principles when dealing with a criticizer: The first time someone criticizes you, choose whether you want to ignore the remark or act on it. If you choose to respond, try saying: "Thank you for your opinion." This is apt to end the conversation.

Vince replied: "If you meant that as a joke, I now have a better understanding of where you were coming from. (understanding) And, my understanding is that your idea of joking is to call someone out in front of other people." Mark shrugged and laughed uneasily.

or if the bully denies the behavior, give examples. Understand that you may not get the bully to back down and agree that the behavior was out of line. Be prepared to offer your resolution by stating specifically how you expect to be treated. If the bullying continues, document each incident. Your documentation should speak for itself so include date and time, what the person said or did, and if there were any witnesses to the conversation.

Going forward, I expect you to treat me respectfully. If you don't or can't, then please don't say anything to me. (compromise) I don't deserve to be treated this way, and I'm not going to accept it anymore