Quotes from David Wishart

These pastoral-poet guys with their bleating goats and oaten pipes can stuff their phalaecean hendecasyllabics where the sun don't shine.

a poker-rectumed pillar of the establishment [Marcus Corvinus on a Roman Senator]

My tongue tasted like a gladiator's jockstrap [Marcus Corvinus after a night out]

the emperor had chewed off his balls and stuffed a one-way ticket to the Black Sea up his rectum [Marcus Corvinus explains what happened to Ovid]

tiles short of a watertight roof.