Quotes from Jeff Shaw

Every alcoholic who has stopped drinking can remember the last time he got drunk. For me, it was the night I drank so much Crown Royal my scrotum turned into a purple pouch with a gold-tasseled drawstring.

When I was a boy, my mom wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead. Happy Mother's Day!

When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.