Quotes About Boundaries

It's okay to be pissed. It's not okay to raise your voice and pound on the table. It's okay to change your mind. It's not okay to assume that I'm okay with the changes without talking to me. It's okay to want to be able to do things your friends are allowed to do. I totally get that. What's not okay is breaking our rules to do them. It's okay to disagree with me, but it's not okay to ridicule my ideas and beliefs.

they explained that reducing anxiety meant paying attention to how much they could do and how much was too much, and learning how to say, "Enough." They got very clear on what was important to them and when they could let something go.

Get Deliberate: Whenever I'm faced with a vulnerable situation, I get deliberate with my intentions by repeating this to myself: "Don't shrink. Don't puff up. Stand on your sacred ground." I think there's something deeply spiritual about standing your ground. Saying this little mantra helps me remember not to get small so other people are comfortable and not to throw up my armor as a way to protect myself.

Ludwig Wittgenstein that I came across in college: "The limits of my language mean the limits of my world." What

lean into the discomfort that comes with straddling compassion and boundaries

am enough (worthiness versus shame). I've had enough (boundaries versus one-uping and comparison). Showing up, taking risks, and letting myself be seen is enough (engagement versus disengagement).

With that sense of "enough" comes an embrace of worthiness, boundaries, and engagement.

But if their behaviors are not okay, we set the boundaries: I know this is a tough conversation. Being angry is okay. Yelling is not okay. I know we're tired and stressed. This has been a long meeting. Being frustrated is okay. Interrupting people and rolling your eyes is not okay. I appreciate the passion around these different opinions and ideas. The emotion is okay. Passive-aggressive comments and put-downs are not okay.

Be brave" is tied to the courage-building work presented in this book. Here is an example of three behaviors that support that value: I set clear boundaries with others. I lean into difficult conversations, meetings, and decisions. I talk to people, not about them.

living BIG [Boundaries Integrity Generosity] saved us that morning. Had either one of us assumed the worst, defaulted to the easy route, or gone into self-protection or attack mode, it would be a different, albeit familiar, story.

being very clear about what's acceptable and what's not acceptable.

cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable;

elements of trust emerged from our data, and we use the acronym BRAVING: Boundaries: You respect my boundaries, and when you're not clear about what's okay and not okay, you ask. You're willing to say no. Reliability: You do what you say you'll do. At work, this means staying aware of your competencies and limitations

At work, we need to support healthy rumbles with vulnerability, to respect boundaries, and to practice calm in the sea of anxiety.

The clearer and more respected the boundaries, the higher the level of empathy and compassion for others. Fewer clear boundaries, less openness. It's hard to stay kind-hearted when you feel people are taking advantage of you or threatening you.

B—Did I respect my own boundaries? Was I clear about what's okay and what's not okay? R—Was I reliable? Did I do what I said I was going to do? A—Did I hold myself accountable? V—Did I respect the vault and share appropriately? I—Did I act from my integrity? N—Did I ask for what I needed? Was I nonjudgmental about needing help? G—Was I generous toward myself?

We have to believe we are enough in order to say, "Enough!

sharing appropriately, with boundaries, means sharing with people with whom we've developed relationships that can bear the weight of our story. The result of this mutually respectful vulnerability is increased connection, trust, and engagement.

Generosity is not a free pass for people to take advantage of us, treat us unfairly, or be purposefully disrespectful and mean. What I realized is that a generous assumption without boundaries is another recipe for resentment, misunderstanding, and judgement.

Wouldn't it be better if we could be kinder, but firmer?

The trick to staying out of resentment is maintaining better boundaries—blaming others less and holding myself more accountable for asking for what I need and want.

being low maintenance also meant not asking for what you needed and never inconveniencing anyone.

In our work, we find that what we regret most are our failures of courage, whether it's the courage to be kinder, to show up, to say how we feel, to set boundaries, to be good to ourselves, to say yes to something scary. Regret has taught me that living outside my values is not tenable for me.

Don't grab hurtful comments and pull them close to you by rereading them and ruminating on them. Don't play with them by rehearsing your badass comeback. And whatever you do, don't pull hatefulness close to your heart.