Quotes About Attachment

It's nothing serious," he said. "It's just an obsession.

Things are always less important once you're assured of having them.

He had lunch with Cecilia that afternoon. They ate their corned beef on rye and cream cheese with lox in a diner peopled by waiters who looked like they´d met with utter disappointment and become attached to it.

I will be sad. I've gotten very attached to Harry and all that goes on in his world, I guess I'll just be kind of tasting every bit of it because it will be the last one.

We weep for what we may never lose

Grandpapa doesn't want to lose Nelly," Eliza said. "Grandpapa is only aware of the trail of belongings Nelly has lost on this trip and thinks she had better wait before she loses her heart, too," he retorted.

Fortunately, attachment to new parents is not dependent totally on a child either not having or losing strong feelings toward her early caregivers or birth family. On the contrary, a strong attachment to her former caregiver will help her attach to her adoptive parents.

When a child has enjoyed a healthy relationship with a former caregiver, post-placement visits, when possible, can serve a variety of purposes. Post-placement visits not only provide tangible evidence of the continuing existence of previous caregivers, they also provide another way to transfer attachment gradually. In cases where personal visits are not possible, phone calls and pictures reassure a child of a former caregiver's continuing presence and love.

A secure attachment to a former caregiver was another similarity found among children who had little difficulty adjusting and attaching to their new adoptive families.

Toddlers who were prepared and gradually transitioned to their adoptive families adjusted much more quickly than those without preparation or transition did.

Not surprisingly, the toddlers who made the transition to their adoptive homes with the least amount of trauma also formed the strongest and quickest attachments to their adoptive parents. They also displayed the fewest long-term problems.

Adoptive parents must begin where the child is developmentally, not chronologically. Healthy dependence must be recreated for the child who is not attached to the adoptive parent, regardless of the child's age. Strategies to foster attachment to the new parents are as important for children who were securely attached and need to transfer their attachment as they are for insecurely or unattached toddlers.

To recreate the attachment cycle, the adoptive parent should initially provide for the child's needs on demand in the same way that the appropriately responsive parent meets the needs of a newborn on demand.

Always assume that a request for parental contact and comforting represents a need for a toddler struggling to develop attachment and meet that need on demand, day or night. Parents need to reframe their thoughts about getting up at night with a new toddler as a wonderful opportunity to build attachment rather than a dreaded chore. Do not leave an adopted toddler alone crying at night as often recommended by many parent discipline specialists.

Even while attaching, our toddlers are motivated by an internal clock that drives them to become more independent and autonomous! A challenge under the best of circumstance, adopted toddlers need special help finding appropriate declarations of independence. We have to surround our children with love that claims, but doesn't repress appropriate development.

Children who are grieving the loss of a former attachment, or are displaying ambivalence or resistance toward their adoptive parents, do not suddenly bond. Attachment doesn't just happen; it grows. How quickly depends on a number of factors, including the number and quality of prior attachments; parenting strategies; age; and the severity of pre-placement neglect or other forms of abuse. Any prognosis is at best an educated guess.

Children also use pretend play to confront and assume some control over their fears. That is why playing doctor and being the one to give the shots is so popular with children. Child-controlled play can reinforce specific cognitive tasks such as object permanence. Children engage in various forms of appear-disappear play beginning at about the developmental age of six months as a way to explore issues of attachment and develop object permanence.

a toddler's experience of grief is complicated by the way in which he thinks. Left unacknowledged and unattended, grief can block development and attachment to the adoptive family.

Toddlers who resist attaching to their parents may look to their older siblings or peers for cues to "acceptable" behavior. Stressing the importance and responsibility of being a role model is often an effective way to help an older sibling feel important during the adoption transition.

John Bowlby (1973) reported on a landmark study of the adoption of securely attached toddlers that demonstrated that transitional objects had a major impact on reducing placement trauma. In this study, many of the toddlers' belongings, including beds, blankets, and toys, accompanied them to their new homes.

Joseph Campbell said that love is the burning point—the stronger the love, the greater the pain. If he's right, maybe we're better off without it.

A house is just a bunch of lumber and nails, Hattie. It's just a thing. Never fall in love with anything that can't love you back.

Plato, in his opinion, had committed too much to love.

In his imagination the pages were printed not with their own paragraphs only, but with all that he himself had brought to them: it seemed as though he must be identified and revealed in them, beyond all pretence of detachment, as if they were a diary to which he had committed every secret of his heart.