Quotes About Intimacy

We know that love makes us vulnerable, but also that we are never as safe and strong as when we are sure we are loved. We know

The message of EFT is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, recognize and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection.

The overall conclusion: a sense of secure connection between romantic partners is key in positive loving relationships and a huge source of strength for the individuals in those relationships. Among the more significant findings:

It's Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long.

Underneath all the distress, partners are asking each other: Can I count on you, depend on you? Are you there for me? Will you respond to me when I need, when I call? Do I matter to you? Am I valued and accepted by you? Do you need me, rely on me? The anger, the criticism, the demands, are really cries to their lovers, calls to stir their hearts, to draw their mates back in emotionally and reestablish a sense of safe connection.

The longer partners feel disconnected, the more negative their interactions become

Feeling connected, feeling with someone goes hand in hand with feeling for that person.

Partners sometimes can see glimpses of the Demon Dialogue they're trapped in—Jim tells me he "knows" he will hear how he has disappointed Carol before she even speaks and so has put up a "wall" to keep from "catching fire"—but the pattern has become so automatic and so compelling that they cannot stop it. Most couples, however, aren't aware of the pattern that has taken hold of their relationship.

When a relationship is in free fall, men typically talk of feeling rejected, inadequate, and a failure; women of feeling abandoned and unconnected.

When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness

A person's "heart withers if it does not answer another heart." —Pearl S. Buck

Find the Bad Guy is a dead-end pattern of mutual blame that effectively keeps a couple miles apart, blocking reengagement and the creation of a safe haven.

I feel so hopeless when I can't get through to you. I have never felt so lonely, not even when I lived alone." Sarah's message is urgent but Tim doesn't get it. He finds her "too emotional." But that is the point. We are never more emotional than when our primary love relationship is threatened. Sarah desperately needs to reconnect with Tim. Tim is desperately afraid that he has lost that intimacy with Sarah—connection is vital to him as well.

These negative patterns always started when one partner tried to reach for the other and could not make safe emotional contact.

Remember that the facts of a fight (whether it's a fight about the kids' schedule, your sex life, your careers) aren't the real issue. The real concern is always the strength and security of the emotional bond you have with your partner. It is about accessibility, responsiveness, and emotional engagement.

To help them recognize their Demon Dialogue, I suggest that they: • Stay in the present and focus on what is happening between them right now. • Look at the circle of criticism that spins both of them around. There is no true "start" to a circle. • Consider the circle, the dance, as their enemy and the consequences of not breaking the circle.

When partners tell me that they cannot be considerate of and watch out for each other with everyday acts of caring, I worry. When they tell me that they are not making love, I am concerned. But when they tell me that they do not touch, I know they are really in trouble.

I remember thinking how often we look, but never see…we listen, but never hear…we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity, and laughter to come alive. —Erma Bombeck

Until we address the fundamental need for connection and the fear of losing it, the standard techniques, such as learning problem solving or communication skills, examining childhood hurts, or taking time-outs, are misguided and ineffectual.

Monogamy is not only possible, it is our natural state.

If we cannot name and accept our own attachment needs, sending clear messages to others when those needs are hot is impossible.

Generally in love, sharing even negative emotions, provided they don't get out of hand, is more useful than emotional absence.

have to do this. Let's stop. Come over and just let's have a hug.' And she did. It felt great." I asked

But love is like a language. If you speak it, it flows more and more easily. If you don't, then you start to lose it.