Quotes About Jehovah's Witness

Remember that summer you liked that girl who worked at the boardwalk? Angie?" "No," he said, but I knew he was lying. "What about her?" "Did you ever hook up with her?" Conrad finally lifted his head up from the couch. "No," he said. "I don't believe you." "I tried, once. But she socked me in the head and said she wasn't that kind of girl.I think she was a Jehovah's Witness or something.

I'm always researching ancient religions, and I was also raised Jehovah's Witness, so that kind of scarred me for life.

My father is a Jehovah's Witness, and he raised us under a very strict hand.

Being a Jehovah's Witness, I don't celebrate birthdays or holidays. I don't vote.

Being a Jehovah's Witness, it was really a trip. We had to go from door to door, and we weren't allowed to associate with the other children. It was a lot of rules.

The interesting thing is I grew up a Jehovah's Witness and I had a very, very strict upbringing.

I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home?

Isn't it the case that Jehovah's Witness patients are regularly treated now by what's called bloodless surgery? No transfusions are necessary. Allow me to quote to you from the American Journal of Otolaryngology: 'Bloodless surgery has come to represent good practice, and in the future it may well be the accepted standard of care.' 

Hearing this, the woman skooched her legs around each other, jingled her bells, leaned toward Everett till their shoulders touched, and laughed and squirmed the sorts of laughs and squirms that Jehovah may have witnessed on the day He created misogyny. The Cosmos kept its balance, though, because Everett was meanwhile leering the sort of testicular leer that Kali may well have had in mind when She inspired Man to create asbestos, carcinogenic beer, and the trenches in World War I.

Jehovah's Witness? Don't sweat it. I'm going to hell, already booked my ticket. Bright side? I'm pagan. Your hell is my heaven... if for no other reason than you won't be there.