Quotes About Self-worth

High achievement is often the result of being driven by toxic shame. Feeling flawed and defective on the inside, I had to prove I was okay by being exceptional on the outside. Everything I did was based on getting authenticated on the outside. My good feelings depended upon achievement.

When we trust someone else and experience their love and acceptance, we begin to change our beliefs about ourselves. We learn that we are not bad; we learn that we are lovable and acceptable.

PEER GROUP SHAMING I remember Arnold. He was a brilliant accountant. He had been viciously shamed in high school. His presenting problem was his criticalness of women. No woman was ever good enough. As his relationship with a woman would intensify, Arnold would start finding fault. He was a nitpicker of great expertise. The outcome of all this was that he was forty years old and fairly successful financially but painfully alone.

Remember that toxic shame is the root of all addiction. Twelve Step groups literally were born out of the courage of two people risking coming out of hiding. One alcoholic person (Bill W.) turned to another alcoholic person (Dr. Bob) and they told each other how bad they really felt about themselves.

If we had a caregiver who was mostly predictable, and who touched us and mirrored all our behaviors, we developed a sense of basic trust. When security and trust are present, we begin to develop an interpersonal bond, which forms a bridge of empathic mutuality. Such a bridge is crucial for the development of self-worth. The only way a child can develop a sense of self is through a relationship with another. We are "we" before we are "I.

Having lost heart, they believe they must manipulate in order to get their needs met.

Most gays carry an excessive amount of shame, as there is particularly strong and widespread shaming of boys who don't display the traditional masculine traits and behaviors. If you are a gay man or woman, your wounded inner preschooler needs to hear that it is perfectly okay to be who you are.

Shame-based people also do not believe they have the right to depend on anyone.

If we are essentially a mistake, flawed and defective, then there's nothing we can do about it.

Everyone needs a sense of shame, but no one needs to feel ashamed. —Frederick Nietzsche

Whenever a shame-based person feels his real feelings, he feels ashamed. So, to avoid that pain he numbs out.

Firestone came to the conclusion that "appraisals and evaluations from others, when they validate a person's distorted view of himself, tend to arouse an obsessive thought process." Since we are already tortured by our own critical thoughts and self-attacks, we feel very threatened whenever others attack us the same way.

Toxic shame is soul murder. Because of it we become other-ated human doings, without an inner life and without inner peace. Shame-based people long for true inner serenity and peace. The spiritual life is an inner life. It cannot be attained on the outside. The spiritual life is its own reward and seeks nothing beyond itself. Once we achieve inner peace and conscious contact, we want to overflow.

When children have shame-based parents, they identify with them. This is the first step in the child's internalizing shame because the children carry their parent's shame.

By almost every account he's a fine young man. I'm simply trying to figure out why I should care that he's three centimeters taller than he was in May.

You shouldn't become too concerned about what others might think of you. You should be more concerned about what you think of yourself.

Every time we choose action over ease we develop an increasing level of self-worth, self-respect, and self-confidence.

SELF-RESPECT IS PRODUCED BY INNER TRIUMPHS, NOT EXTERNAL ONES.

When leaders fail to empower others, it is usually due to three main reasons: 1. Desire for Job Security 2. Resistance to Change 3. Lack of Self-Worth

If you don't realize that you have genuine value and that you are worth investing in, then you will never put in the time and effort needed to grow to your potential.

A strong positive self image is the best possible preparation for success in life.

When achievers fail, they see it as a momentary event, not a lifelong epidemic. It's not personal. If you want to succeed, don't let any single incident color your view of yourself.

Cuando uno hace que las personas se sientan seguras, importantes y apreciadas, no necesitan menospreciar a los demás para aparentar que ellas son mejores».

Perfectionists can rarely affirm themselves; therefore, it's very difficult for them to affirm others.