Quotes About Children

In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?

British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.

Snoring keeps the monsters away.

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There's no such place.

The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well.

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon--perfect.

I have three kids, one of each.

Children are often the silent victims of drug abuse.

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.

America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.

When we realize finally that we aren't God's given children, we'll understand satire. Humor is really laughing off a hurt, grinning at misery.

Children in the abstract, had never appealed to me. They seemed to be loud creatures, often dripping some form of goo.

I guess I try to find the humor by juxtaposing deeper themes in literature with what people perceive as being lighter, disposable children's fare in comics.

Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, "Quick, get me to casualty quick!" while your doing something important like sitting down picking your ear.

Don't buy the toys that make the noise!

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows

You must feed them, Anne, else they eat their toys.

Pamela produced placid babies. "They don't tend to turn feral until they're two, " she said.

She had so many freckles that Erskine wondered if she might have stolen some from other children.

Laywers, I suppose, were children once.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a a note on it saying, toys not included.