Quotes About Bar Mitzvahs

I danced for, like, 11 years at bar mitzvahs and executive parties. I'm a professional energy producer. I produce energy, baby.

I grew up on the North Shore of Chicago, and I don't think I had a friend that wasn't Jewish. I spent more time in a temple than any other house of worship. I've been to about 150 bar and bat mitzvahs.

I just enjoyed bar mitzvahs as a kid, and there was this company in the Detroit area where I grew up, and I think they recruited me as a party dancer - you know, like, you dance around and pass out glow sticks. I quickly rose in the ranks and, within a year, became an emcee, which was kind of unheard of.

What Jews do you know who don't make comedy of their lives? It's part of the religion. I'll bet you think all that Hebrew at bar mitzvahs is prayers, don't you? Fooled you, didn't we? It's stand-up.

All religions must be made child-proof. Our teachers' unions have done good work in this field, K through 12. Delaying first communions and bar mitzvahs until age 21 would be another positive step.