Quotes About Judgment

Generosity is not a free pass for people to take advantage of us, treat us unfairly, or be purposefully disrespectful and mean. What I realized is that a generous assumption without boundaries is another recipe for resentment, misunderstanding, and judgement.

Shame comes from outside of us—from the messages and expectations of our culture.

When we dig past the surface, we find that shame is often what drives us to hate our bodies, fear rejection, stop taking risks or hide the experiences and parts of our lives that we fear others might judge. This same dynamic applies to feeling attacked as a mother or feeling too stupid or uneducated to voice our opinions.

the difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the differences between "I am bad" and "I did something bad." Guilt = I did something bad. Shame = I am bad. Shame is about who we are, and guilt is about our behaviors.

Rather than judgment (which exacerbates shame), empathy conveys a simple acknowledgment, "You're not alone.

At the exact time that our society embraces shaming, blaming, judgment, and rejection, it also holds acceptance and belonging as immensely important. In other words, it's never been more impossible to 'fit in,' yet 'fitting in' has never been more important and valued

Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot tolerate having words wrapped around it. What it craves is secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you stay quiet, you stay in a lot of self-judgment

When we hear stories about shame that don't fit with our experiences, our first reaction is often to distance ourselves from the experiences—" My mother would never say that" or "I don't get women who don't enjoy sex" or "She's so naïve—her husband's a wacko." The distancing turns very quickly into blame, judgment and separation. This fuels the shame epidemic. Let

Asking for help is a power move. It's a sign of strength to ask and a sign of strength to fight off judgment when other people raise their hands. It reflects a self-awareness that is an essential element in braving trust.

We must learn how to respond to ourselves with empathy and understanding. It takes a lot of work to stay out of judgment about others—it takes even more work to stay out of self-judgment.

comparing ourselves to others leads us to fear, anger, shame, and sadness.

Para evitar las críticas no digas nada, no hagas nada, no seas nada. Aristóteles

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It's a shield. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight.

Perfeccionismo não é se esforçar para a excelência. Perfeccionismo não tem a ver com conquistas saudáveis e crescimento. Perfeccionismo é um movimento defensivo. É a crença de que, se fizermos as coisas com perfeição e parecermos perfeitos, poderemos minimizar ou evitar a dor da culpa, do julgamento e da vergonha.

wherever perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun

we simply prefer approval over disapproval).

Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It's a shield.

Self-righteousness starts with the belief that I'm better than other people and it always ends with me being my very worst self and thinking, I'm not good enough.

The paradox is that we all love the ready-made filing system, so handy when we want to quickly characterize people, but we resent it when we're the ones getting filed away.

When we hear stories about shame that don't fit with our experiences, our first reaction is often to distance ourselves from the experiences—"My mother would never say that" or "I don't get women who don't enjoy sex" or "She's so naïve—her husband's a wacko." The distancing turns very quickly into blame, judgment and separation.

In The Gifts of Imperfection, I write, "Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.

Shame resilience is key to embracing our vulnerability. We can't let ourselves be seen if we're terrified by what people might think. Often 'not being good at vulnerability' means that we're damn good at shame.

I don't know. I really don't. All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.

Last, perfectionism is not a way to avoid shame. Perfectionism is a function of shame.