Quotes About Unexpected

And when I was in the trunk, I saw Jesus. And the Virgin Mary. And Ozzy Osbourne.

DeAngelo blew up my bus, so I filled his car with shit. Genius, right? DeAngelo didn't blow up the bus, Connie said. I just got the report from the fire marshal. The coffeemaker shorted out and started the fire. Some of the color left Vinnie's face. Say what? Oh man, Lula said. DeAngelo is gonna be pissed. Least he won't know who did it. I left a note, Vinnie said. Lula gave a hoot of laughter and fell off her chair.

Yeah, I like that idea. Maybe he'll shoot at us again. I was hoping someone would shoot at me today. That was the first thing I said when I got up: Boy, I hope I get shot at today.

Ranger shrugged. "Things turn up." He reached behind him and came up with a gun. My gun. "Found this in the lobby, too." He tucked the gun under the top edge of my towel, wedging it between my breasts, his knuckles brushing against me. My breath caught in my throat, and for a moment I thought my towel might catch fire. Ranger smiled again. And I did more eye narrowing. "I'll be in touch," Ranger said. And then he was gone.

That's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they're looking' to find poloponies.

She gestured to the bag. What have you got in there? Nothing much. Some golfballs, a handful of tees, a Glock, extra ammo, two hand grenades, a tear gas canister, a knife, Tums, clean socks, flares, and some Ensure chocolate shakes. You took all of that with you to play golf?

What did you do?" "Blew up a fuel depot, stole twelve rockets and made off with them in a stolen van, got kidnapped by a maniac, and had dinner with a guy who farted fire." "That would be funny, but I'm worried it's all true." "It's been a long couple days." "Did he really fart fire?" Morelli asked.

I sent Hal and Rafael to keep an eye on you, and I went to check on a commercial account in Whitehorse. Rafael called to tell me Lula went in with a rocket launcher, so I skipped Whitehorse. I pulled into the lot seconds before you destroyed Billings Foods.

There was only one way I could see managing this. I got out, ran around the car, opened his door, and straddled him with one leg outside and one foot on the console. Beeeeeep! My ass was on the horn. Beeeep, beeeep, beeeep, beepbeepbeepbeepbeep! A bead of sweat streaked down the side of Ranger's face. "Babe.

Okay, so this had all the makings of a cluster fuck, but there was a Dairy Queen Oreo Cheese-Quake Blizzard waiting for me somewhere.

Mr. Morganthal shuffled out of the elevator and winked at me. "Hey, hootchie-mamma," he said. "Want a hot date?" He was ninety-two and lived on the third floor, next to Mrs. Delgado. "You're too late," I told him. "I've already made plans." "That's just as well. You'd probably kill me," Mr. Morganthal said.

How's it going?" Morelli wanted to know. "It's average. Stole a truck. Blew up a house. Brought seven monkeys home with me. And now I have a naked man in my shower." "Yeah, same ol', same ol'," Morelli said.

Dang," Grandma said, "guess I left the wrong hole empty." She leaned forward to examine her handiwork. "Not bad for my first time with a gun. I shot that sucker right in the gumpy.

The way I see it, life is a jelly doughnut. You don't really know what it's about until you bite into it. And then, just when you decide it's good, you drop a big glob of jelly on your best T-shirt. My

That's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they're lookin' to find poloponies.

Do I look like I'm dressed for a snake jamboree? I don't think so.

You never know about people," Lula said. "One minute they're prom queen and then next thing they're whackadoodle.

We ran to the bedroom and found Gloria pumping half a clip into a picture of her ex-husband. She dropped the gun onto the floor, turned, and mooned the picture and farted. Lula and I took a step back. "Sorry," Gloria said. "I get gas when I eat too much sugar.

So much for the sexy moment, I thought. Saved by monkey gas.

in front of my condo when I pulled in. He was in a

What's up?" I asked my mother. "I just got fourteen phone calls about someone hitting Joseph's Grandma Bella in the face with a chocolate cream pie when she was walking out of the funeral home. They said she was going out the side door for some reason, and someone came out of nowhere and hit her with the pie." "Did they know who did it?" Grandma asked. "Bella said it was you.

I OPENED THE front door to Morelli's house and Bob

It was Lorraine in her nightie and Mo in his cap. They'd just settled their brains for a long winter's nap in front of the television. When out in the lot there arose such a clatter, they sprang from their recliners to see what was the matter. Away to the window they flew like a flash, tore open the blinds and threw up the sash. And what to their wondering eyes should appear, but Stephanie Plum and yet another of her cars burning front to rear.

Perfection was no protection. Disaster had a way of dropping by just when you least expected it.