Quotes About Joseph Heller

You're an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I'm an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I'm in an ideal position to appreciate it.

Yossarian decided to change the subject. Now you're changing the subject. he pointed out diplomatically. I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable about for every one you can name to be thankful for.

It was love at first sight. The first time Yossarian saw the chaplain he fell madly in love with him.

I really do admire you a bit. You're an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I'm an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I'm in an ideal position to appreciate it. - Colonel Korn

But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.

Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.

Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat.

Consciously, sir, consciously, Yossarian corrected in an effort to help. I hate them consciously.

The first time Yossarian saw the chaplain he fell madly in love with him.

Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of creation?

He smiled ostentatiously to show himself reasonable and nice. I'm not saying that to be cruel and insulting, he continued with cruel and insulting delight.

At the state university he took his studies so seriously that he was suspected by the homosexuals of being a Communist and suspected by the Communists of being a homosexual.

Steal Captain Black's car," said Yossarian. "That's what I always do." "We can't steal anybody's car. Since you began stealing the nearest car every time you wanted one, nobody leaves the ignition on.

It's only that I feel an injustice has been committed. Why should I have somebody else's malaria and you have my dose of clap?

The Texan wanted everybody in the ward to be happy but Yossarian and Dunbar. He was really very sick.

If you run into trouble, just tell everybody that the security of the country requires a strong domestic Egyptian-cotton speculating industry.

Everyone agreed that Clevinger was certain to go far in the academic world. In short, Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains

War ... it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.

he disapproved of Adolf Hitler, who had done such a great job of combating un-American activities in Germany.

Jerusalem is a very small town. And Bathsheba was a very loud woman. Maybe even Uriah knew.

Some men were born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. Major Major was all three.

Imagine a man his age risking what little life he has for something so absurd as a country.

-You have no respect for excessive authority or obsolete traditions. You're dangerous and depraved, and you ought to be taken outside and shot!