Quotes About Awkwardness

Congratulations,' I said, indicating her belly. I wanted to say something else, but I could never work out whether it was appropriate to say a heavily pregnant woman was 'large', 'not large', 'neat', 'blooming', or any of the other euphemisms people seemed to use to disguise what they wanted to say, which was essentially along the lines of Bloody hell.

don't do flirting. I wouldn't know how to flirt with someone if Louisa stood behind them holding up placards. And

She smiled blankly at me. 'I love your dress,' I said, the universal smoother for two women who have absolutely nothing to say to each other.

At his apartment she peed with the bathroom door open. It sounded like a visiting horse was relieving itself.

George,' I croaked, 'are you okay?' 'No. Someone's buttocks are flattening my foot.' I shifted my position irritably.

Despite his crimped shirts and flowing mane (or perhaps because of them) I had seen no evidence as yet that Nathaniel even knew what a girl was. If he'd ever met one, chances are they'd both have run screaming in opposite directions.

As far as rapprochements go, it's awkward and vague, but the advantage of being as emotionally inarticulate as we are is that it will do the trick.

I'm physically completely mal-coordinated. My best friend used to make me run for the bus just to give herself a quick, cheap laugh because I definitely don't have that sophisticated cool thing down.

Who does not dislike a "boneless" hand extended as though it were a spray of sea-weed, or a miniature boiled pudding?

There are those who believe that clumsiness and truthfulness go together. But cumbersomeness does not necessarily imply a sincere heart.

When you're a boy your life can be measured out as a series of uncomfortable conversations reluctantly initiated by adults in an effort to tell you things that you either already know or really don't want to know.

We're sorry to bother you at a time like this," Drebin says. "We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.

On various occasions I'd said to a woman I was interested in, "I would invite you to dinner, but I can't cook," at which point I would hope she'd say, "I'm a great cook," so I could ask her to come over and teach me; then we'd get drunk in the kitchen while I displayed what I hoped was my endearing clumsiness, never learning anything.

Jimmy Kimmel still comes across like a guy who crashed a party and got caught at it, yet adamantly refuses to leave.

I love Cee Lo, but I avoid him when he's holding that smelly cat.

It's not as if I've never been awkward myself. I'm a big gamer, so I've had access to that type of personality. I used to go to these LAN parties; that was before high-speed Internet. The only way you could get lag-free gaming was to haul these huge computers to people's houses.

The thing is, I'm used to handshakes. Every time someone comes for a hug, I'm very confused. I'm told that I give out the worst hugs, too.

Normally, Richard was the kind of guy I disliked, someone born and raised plush: looks, charm, smarts, probably money. These men were never very interesting to me; they had no edges, and they were usually cowards. They instinctively fled any situation that might cause them embarrassment or awkwardness. But Richard didn't bore me. Maybe because his grin was a little crooked. Or because he made his living dealing in ugly things.

As a child, I was constantly being sent on playdates with other kids—the shrinks insisted I interact with cohorts. That's what my meeting with Lyle was like: those first loose, horrible ten minutes, when the grown-ups have left, and neither kid knows what the other one wants, so you stand there, near the TV they've told you to keep off, fiddling with the antenna.

She was salted in the ladies' room?

It was my bad luck that she caught me looking at my watch. I heard her voice say, 'I'm sorry. I came by bus and the traffic was bad.' I said, 'The tube's quicker.' 'I know, but I didn't want to be quick.

You smell bad," Riser observed. "I want to piss my pants," I said. "Me, too," Riser said. "Let's not and say we did.

There's nothing worse than trying to be funny and not being funny.

If something can be said to make an awkward moment even worse, I'm going to say it.