Quotes About Satire

I know that ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.

One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

The lads I've met in cupid's deadlock Were - shall we say? - born out of wedlock

Amo i Martini, ma due al massimo. Tre, e sono sotto al tavolo. Quattro, e sono sotto il cameriere.

It is most gratifying, it said, that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated, and so we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently converging with your ship are part of a special service we extend to all of our most enthusiastic clients, and the fully armed nuclear warheads are of course merely a courtesy detail. We look forward to your custom in future lives ... thank you.

Very deep. You should send that in to the Reader's Digest. They've got a page for people like you.

I've had the sort of day that would make St. Francis of Assisi kick babies.

something almost, but not quite entirely unlike tea

You ARE Zaphod Beeblebrox?' 'Yeah,' said Zaphod, 'but don't shout it out or they'll all want one.' 'THE Zaphod Beeblebrox?' 'No, just A Zaphod Beeblebrox, didn't you hear I come in six packs?' 'But sir,' it squealed, 'I just heard on the sub-ether radio report. It said you were dead...' 'Yeah, that's right, I just haven't stopped moving yet.

And the most interesting natural structure? A giant, two-thousand-mile-long fish in orbit around Jupiter, according to a reliable report in the Weekly World News. The photograph was very convincing, and I'm only surprised that more-reputable journals like New Scientist, or even just The Sun, haven't followed up with more details. We should be told.

I've had the sort of day that would make Saint Francis of Assisi kick babies.

The whole Poghril tribe had died out from famine except for one last man who died of cholesterol poisoning some weeks later.

The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down his throat.

He almost danced to the fridge, found the three least hairy things in it, put them on a plate and watched them intently for two minutes. Since they made no attempt to move within that time he called them breakfast and ate them.

The man who invented the Total Perspective Vortex did so basically in order to annoy his wife. Trin Tragula – for that was his name – was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.

You mean they actually vote for the lizards?' 'Oh yes,' said Ford with a shrug, 'of course.' 'But,' said Arthur, going for the big one again, 'why?' 'Because if they didn't vote for a lizard,' said Ford, 'the wrong lizard might get in.

It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated. As a token of our appreciation, we hope you will enjoy the two thermonuclear missiles we've just sent to converge with your craft. To ensure ongoing quality of service, your death may be monitored for training purposes. Thank you.

The man who invented the Total Perspective Vortex did so basically in order to annoy his wife. Trin

quick bite at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is, as has been remarked before often and accurately, a pretty startling kind of a thing.

What's he saying?" asked Trillian. "Nothing," said Zaphod, "he just phoned to wash his head at us.

You mean they actually vote for the lizards?" "Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course." "But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?" "Because if they didn't vote for a lizard," said Ford, "the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?

The President of the Galaxy

Ford had another Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the drink which has been described as the alcoholic equivalent of a mugging – expensive and bad for the head.