Quotes About Satire

The awkward moment when your iPhone battery lasts longer than most relationships these days.

In this best of all possible worlds… everything is for the best.

Satire lies about literary men while they live and eulogy lies about them when they die.

The Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman nor an Empire.

Good-natured satirists often remark that "the best way to cure an Anarchist is to give him a fortune." Substituting "corrupt" for "cure," I would subscribe to this;

Women," he snorted. "Can't live with 'em, can't return 'em for a full refund.

I like children - fried.

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.

Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year. Hey, happy birthday Jesus! Hope you like crap!

You know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag.

Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.

President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating.

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend; provided, of course, he really is dead.

What monstrous absurdities and paradoxes have resisted whole batteries of serious arguments, and then crumbled swiftly into dust before the ringing death-knell of a laugh!

There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.

I am working on a book urging the beating to death of baby whales using the dead bodies of baby seals.

Watching 'The Sound of Music' is like being beaten to death by a Hallmark card.

Don't go all unicorns pooping rainbows on us.

If Donald Trump puked, Copley Place is probably what would hit the toilet.

This is America . . . where every adult shall have the full and inalienable right to eat her young

We did Donald McGill, seaside-postcard stuff - middle of the road.

I'm a fan of Douglas Adams, yes.

I tend to like dry humor.

The people I make fun of most are white people. They're the dumbest ones. They really are.