Quotes About Perfectionism

Shame is the birthplace of perfectionism. Perfectionism is not striving to be our best or working toward excellence. Healthy striving is internally driven. Perfectionism is externally driven by a simple but potentially all-consuming question: What will people think?

It's really awful that the same substances that take the edge off anxiety and pain also dull our sense of observation. We see the pain caused by the misuse of power, so we numb our pain and lose track of our own power. We become terrified of feeling pain, so we engage in behaviors that become a magnet for more pain. We run from anger and grief straight into the arms of fear, perfectionism, and the desperate need for control.

Perfectionism never happens in a vacuum. It touches everyone around us. We pass it down to our children, we infect our workplace with impossible expectations, and it's suffocating for our friends and families.

Shame: Is fear of ridicule and belittling used to manage people and/or to keep people in line? Is self-worth tied to achievement, productivity, or compliance? Are blaming and finger-pointing norms? Are put-downs and name-calling rampant? What about favoritism? Is perfectionism an issue?

Perfectionism is not the key to success.

Healthy striving is self-focused: How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused: What will people think? Perfectionism is a hustle.

As a shame researcher, I've learned that wherever perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun.

Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It's a shield. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight.

Perfeccionismo não é se esforçar para a excelência. Perfeccionismo não tem a ver com conquistas saudáveis e crescimento. Perfeccionismo é um movimento defensivo. É a crença de que, se fizermos as coisas com perfeição e parecermos perfeitos, poderemos minimizar ou evitar a dor da culpa, do julgamento e da vergonha.

Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life-paralysis.

wherever perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun

Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It's a shield.

Perfectionism is correlated with depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis or missed opportunities. The fear of failing, making mistakes, not meeting people's expectations, and being criticized keeps us outside of the arena where healthy competition and striving unfolds.

Cuando nos pasamos la vida esperando ser perfectos o inmunes antes de salir al ruedo, sacrificamos relaciones y oportunidades que quizá sean irrecuperables, derrochamos nuestro valioso tiempo y tal vez le damos la espalda a nuestras aptitudes, a esas contribuciones únicas que sólo nosotros podemos hacer.

Life-paralysis refers to all of the opportunities we miss because we're too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect. It's also all of the dreams that we don't follow because of our deep fear of failing, making mistakes, and disappointing others. It's terrifying to risk when you're a perfectionist; your self-worth is on the line.

When it comes to Theresa's struggle, we need to understand that shame is the voice of perfectionism. Whether we're talking about appearance, work, motherhood, health or family, it's not the quest for perfection that is so painful; it's failing to meet the unattainable expectations that lead to the painful wash of shame.

Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect. Healthy striving is self-focused—How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused—What will they think?

Just as a reminder from Chapter 4, perfectionism is not teaching them how to strive for excellence or be their best selves. Perfectionism is teaching them to value what other people think over what they think or how they feel. It's teaching them to perform, please, and prove. Unfortunately, I have many examples from my own life.

if we want freedom from perfectionism, we have to make the long journey from "What will people think?" to "I am enough." That journey begins with shame resilience, self-compassion, and owning our stories.

Last, perfectionism is not a way to avoid shame. Perfectionism is a function of shame.

Alert to the manipulations and machinations of Pharisaical self-righteousness, ragamuffins refuse to surrender control of their lives to rules and regulations. They see that the stale religiosity of legalists, trapped in the fatal narcissism of spiritual perfectionism, obscures the face of the God of Jesus.

you believe that the only way to be successful in a pressure situation is to perform better than you ever have performed before—that is, to be perfect—you stop trusting your capabilities, and worse, you start doing things that do not help you succeed. You

I had a microscopic eye for the blemish, for the grain of ugliness which to me constituted the sole beauty of the object.

I was a taskmaster: hyperdirect and critical without finesse. I'd practically yell at people when frustrated and thought that was acceptable because that's what my idols did - Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg.