Quotes About Assertiveness

How can we expect people to put value on our work when we don't value ourselves enough to set and hold uncomfortable boundaries?

Generosity is not a free pass for people to take advantage of us, treat us unfairly, or be purposefully disrespectful and mean.

Setting boundaries and holding people accountable is a lot more work than shaming and blaming.

know I'm living outside my values when I am…drum roll…this is a huge issue for me…resentful. Resentment is my barometer and my early warning system. It's the canary in the coal mine. It shows up when I stay quiet in order not to piss off someone. It shows up when I put work before my well-being, and it blows the doors off the hinges when I'm not setting good boundaries.

People learn how to treat us based on how they see us treating ourselves. If I don't put value on my work or my time, neither will the person I'm helping. Boundaries are a function of self respect and self love.

I learned how to worry more about how I felt and less about "what people might think." I was setting new boundaries and began to let go of my need to please, perform, and perfect. I started saying no rather than sure (and being resentful and pissed off later). I began to say "Oh, hell yes!" rather than "Sounds fun, but I have lots of work to do" or "I'll do that when I'm _________ (thinner, less busy, better prepared).

Boundaries—You respect my boundaries, and when you're not clear about what's okay and not okay, you ask. You're willing to say no.

Unfortunately, being low maintenance also meant not asking for what you needed and never inconveniencing anyone.

The trick for staying out of resentment is maintaining better boundaries - blaming others less and holding myself more accountable for asking for what I need and want.

It seems counterintuitive, but telling someone how we feel takes more courage and is often more powerful than verbally attacking them

Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They're compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.

I also struggle with the fear that if I say no everyone is going to stop asking.

I now recognize that people learn how to treat us based on how they see us treating ourselves. If I don't put value on my work or my time, neither will the person I am helping. Boundaries are a function of self-respect and self-love.

But if their behaviors are not okay, we set the boundaries: I know this is a tough conversation. Being angry is okay. Yelling is not okay. I know we're tired and stressed. This has been a long meeting. Being frustrated is okay. Interrupting people and rolling your eyes is not okay. I appreciate the passion around these different opinions and ideas. The emotion is okay. Passive-aggressive comments and put-downs are not okay.

No one ever said, "This is no longer productive and we should take a time-out before someone gets their feelings hurt." Our strategy was get louder and meaner until you win or someone else is crying.

Be brave" is tied to the courage-building work presented in this book. Here is an example of three behaviors that support that value: I set clear boundaries with others. I lean into difficult conversations, meetings, and decisions. I talk to people, not about them.

The clearer and more respected the boundaries, the higher the level of empathy and compassion for others. Fewer clear boundaries, less openness. It's hard to stay kind-hearted when you feel people are taking advantage of you or threatening you.

Wouldn't it be better if we could be kinder, but firmer?

being low maintenance also meant not asking for what you needed and never inconveniencing anyone.

If I have to ask, it's not worth it." She tilted her head and said, "If you're not asking for what's important to you, maybe it's because you don't think you are worth it.

Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it.

setting boundaries is making clear what's okay and what's not okay, and why.

I swore that if I ever had the opportunity to publish a book again, I'd do it differently. I wasn't going to get dressed up in my new outfit and wait for someone to knock on my door and ask me about my work. I'd put on my shit-kickers and start knocking on doors myself.

I learned how to worry more about how I felt and less about "what people might think." I was setting new boundaries and began to let go of my need to please, perform, and perfect. I started saying no rather than sure (and being resentful and pissed off later).