Quotes About Television

People see me on the 'Daily Show' or 'About a Boy'. But the reality is that I only got into this business to do standup comedy.

I have yet to see one of those Comedy Central shows with multiple standup comics that doesn't include someone the size of the Hindenburg.

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

I've made a connection with the television audience by being a proud Latino man. I am passionate for what I do, courageous in the face of peril, honest and straightforward.

When I was six, God was a white man with a big beard riding on a white cloud. That's the image television pumps.

They put up this bloke's picture on Crimewatch UK with a phone number and said 'Have you seen this man?' Well my auntie rang them up and said 'No'.

I suppose I would like to be remembered as one of the funniest men that people have seen on television.

"Diiiie men." If you play any Broad City episode backwards, that's all we're saying.

I had spent many years before I was 31 hearing people tell me, Oh Man, you're so funny, you need to be in television. But that and a quarter won't get you on a bus.

A man can do a television interview and roll out of bed 15 minutes before; it's just not the same for a woman. A woman has to pay attention to her hair, makeup, clothing, and jewelry choices.

The man I adored, and miss him terribly, was Johnny Carson.

Mad Men' was really my first television role, and it never feels like TV to me. It's done at such a high level.

And, of course, all of my friends and family are so excited because they feel like Montreal is being represented on Mad Men.

The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like "Mad Men" is disgusting. It's a super disgusting part of our culture, but I still find it funny to make a joke about it.

If you watch Two and a Half Men, please stop watching Two and a Half Men. I'm on Two and a Half Men and I don't want to be on it. Please stop watching it. Please stop filling your head with filth.

There is no medical proof that television causes brain damage - at least from over five feet away. In fact, TV is probably the least physically harmful of all the narcotics known to man.

I have a Guinness Book of World Records entry as the most-watched person on television; now I have a new entry as the only man who has a crab named after him.

Donald Trump is on the show tonight. Donald is a big man, I think 230 pounds -- 235 with cologne.

Television is by nature the dominator drug par excellence. Control of content, uniformity of content, repeatability of content make it inevitably a tool of coersion, brainwashing, and manipulation.

When I was a little girl, my favorite television show starred Roy Rogers and Dale Evans- the queen of the cowgirls." Mrs. Coley explained. "Dale wore a fancy fringed leather skirt and rode a buckskin horse named Buttermilk........... "Thank heavens for Dale Evans," she said with a sigh.

Each season of adventure reality television gets more and more challenging. I'm waiting for them to come out with a Survivor: Phoenix in July edition.

Well, I really want to encourage a kind of fantasy, a kind of magic. I love the term magic realism, whoever invented it – I do actually like it because it says certain things. It's about expanding how you see the world. I think we live in an age where we're just hammered, hammered to think this is what the world is. Television's saying, everything's saying 'That's the world.' And it's not the world. The world is a million possible things.

Hours spent daily watching your television news will do more to add to your depression than to alleviate your feelings of helplessness.

Television contracts the imagination and radio expands it.