Quotes About Communication

It's important to remember that others' ways of talking to you are partly a reaction to your style, just as your style with them is partly a reaction to their style—with you.

While boys create connections through friendly competition, girls create connections by downplaying competition and focusing on similarities.

Often, focusing on the words spoken precludes figuring out what sparked a crisis, because the culprits are not words but tone of voice, intonation, and unstated implications and assumptions.

The belief that sitting down and talking will ensure mutual understanding and solve problems is based on the assumption that we can say what we mean, and that what we say will be understood as we mean it. This is unlikely to happen if conversational styles differ.

Communication is a system. Everything that is said is simultaneously an instigation and a reaction, a reaction and an instigation. Most of us tend to focus on the first part of that process while ignoring or downplaying the second. We see ourselves as reacting to what others say and do, without realizing that their actions or words are in part reactions to ours, and that our reactions to them won't be the end of the process but rather will trigger more reactions, in a continuous stream.

If women resent men's tendency to offer solutions to problems, men complain about women's refusal to take action to solve the problems.

Many women feel it is natural to consult with their partners at every turn, while many men automatically make more decisions without consulting their partners. This may reflect a broad difference in conceptions of decision making. Women expect decisions to be discussed first and made by consensus. They appreciate the discussion itself as evidence of involvement and communication.

Yet another man commented that women seem to wallow in their problems, wanting to talk about them forever, whereas he and other men want to get them out and be done with them.

For girls, talk is the glue that holds relationships together. Boys' relationships are held together primarily by activities: doing things together, or talking about activities such as sports or, later, politics.

Second, there is a payoff in self-defense. If what we want or think does not meet with a positive response, we can take it back, or claim—perhaps sincerely—that that's not what we meant.

The payoffs of indirectness in rapport and self-defense correspond to the two basic dynamics that motivate communication: the coexisting and conflicting human needs for involvement and independence. Since any show of involvement is a threat to independence, and any show of independence is a threat to involvement, indirectness is the life raft of communication, a way to float on top of a situation instead of plunging in with nose pinched and coming up blinking.

Women and men would both do well to learn strategies more typically used by members of the other group— not to switch over entirely, but to have more strategies at their disposal.

the act of helping sends metamessages —that is, information about the relations among the people involved, and their attitudes toward what they are saying or doing and the people they are saying or doing it to. In other words, the message of helping says, "This is good for you." But the fact of giving help may seem to send the metamessage "I am more competent than you," and in that sense it is good for the helper.

When we think we are using language, language is using us.

He doesn't steer us wrong if we can hear His voice when He speaks.

I am often tongue-tied with strangers and have what the philosopher Monsieur Diderot calls l'esprit de l'escalier, staircase wit: only long after a remark is made to me will my imagination supply the thing I should have said in reply.

Men ask such stupid questions.

become better conversationalists when we employ two primary objectives. Number one: Take the risk. It is up to us to take the risk of starting a conversation with a stranger. We cannot hope that others will approach us; instead, even if we are shy, it is up to us to make the first move. We all fear rejection at some level. Just remind yourself that there are more dire consequences in life than a rejection

Don't plan a movie/theater date for the first few dates. Interaction is key to getting to know each other.

Don't be afraid of looking dumb or saying the wrong thing. Laughing at yourself is the best way to develop a sense of humor (if you don't already have one) and, at the same time, make people feel less threatened by you.

Small talk is the verbal equivalent of that first domino: It starts a chain reaction with all kinds of implications for your life.

Here are some other examples of digging deeper into a conversation: You ask, How have you been? and get the reply, Busy. Follow-up responses could include: How do you deal with being busy? What is going on that's got you so busy? Describe a busy day for you. Do you like being busy? Does there seem to be a cycle of busy-ness during your year? Do you remember a time in your life when you weren't as busy?

Fifty Ways to Fuel a Conversation 1.Be the first to say hello. 2.Introduce yourself to others. 3.Take risks and anticipate success. 4.Remember your sense of humor. 5.Practice different ways of starting a conversation.

With creative usage of these three elements (questions, follow-up comments, follow-up questions), the possibilities and variations in conversation are virtually limitless.