Quotes About Communication

It's much more helpful for an unhappy youngster to hear, "I see something is making you sad," rather than to be interrogated with "What happened?" or "Why do you feel that way?" It's easier to talk to a grown-up who accepts what you're feeling rather than one who presses you for explanations.

There is an important message built into this approach. It says, "When there is conflict between us, we no longer have to mobilize our forces against each other and worry about who will emerge victorious and who will go down in defeat. Instead, we can put our energy into searching for the kinds of solutions that respect both our needs as individuals.

We found that when we accepted our children's feelings they were more able to accept the limits we set for them.

Every time a parent says to himself, "I wish I hadn't said that. Why didn't I think to say . . . ," he automatically gets another chance. Life with children is open-ended.

this approach was permissive only in the sense that all feelings were permitted. For example, "I can see that you're having fun making designs in the butter with your fork." But that doesn't mean that you have to permit a child to behave in a way that's unacceptable to you. As you remove the butter, you can also let the young "artist" know that "Butter is not for playing with. If you want to make designs, you can use your clay.

by listening with full attention, by acknowledging his feelings with a word, by giving a name to his feelings, and by granting him his wishes in fantasy.

more helpful for an unhappy youngster to hear, "I see something is making you sad," rather than to be interrogated with "What happened?" or "Why do you feel that way?" It's easier to talk to a grown-up who accepts what you're feeling rather than one who presses you for explanations.

the question "Why?" only adds to their problem. In addition to their original distress, they must now analyze the cause and come up with a reasonable explanation.

when our words are infused with our real feelings of empathy that they speak directly to a child's heart.

Punishment is a very ineffective method of discipline . . . for punishment, strangely enough, often has the effect of teaching the child to behave in exactly the opposite way from the way we want him to behave! Many parents use punishment simply because no one has ever taught them better ways of disciplining their children.

So there you have it—four possible ways to give first aid to a child in distress: by listening with full attention, by acknowledging his feelings with a word, by giving a name to his feelings, and by granting him his wishes in fantasy.

A Quick Reminder . . . To Engage a Child's Cooperation 1. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU SEE, OR DESCRIBE THE PROBLEM. "There's a wet towel on the bed." 2. GIVE INFORMATION. "The towel is getting my blanket wet." 3. SAY IT WITH A WORD. "The towel!" 4. DESCRIBE WHAT YOU FEEL. "I don't like sleeping in a wet bed!" 5. WRITE A NOTE. (above towel rack) Please put me back so I can dry. Thanks! Your Towel

TO HELP WITH FEELINGS 1. Listen with full attention. 2. Acknowledge their feelings with a word—"Oh" . . . "Mmm" . . . "I see." 3. Give their feelings a name. 4. Give them their wishes in fantasy.

It's much easier to tell your troubles to a parent who is really listening. Sometimes a sympathetic silence is all a child needs.

Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings Children Need to Have Their Feelings Accepted and Respected. 1. YOU CAN LISTEN QUIETLY AND ATTENTIVELY. 2. YOU CAN ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS WITH A WORD.     ââ'¬Å"Oh . . . Mmm . . . I see . . ." 3. YOU CAN GIVE THE FEELING A NAME.     ââ'¬Å"That sounds frustrating!" 4. YOU CAN GIVE THE CHILD HIS WISHES IN FANTASY.     ââ'¬Å"I wish I could make the banana ripe for you right now!

2. If attitude is so important, why bother about words? A parent's look of disgust or tone of contempt can hurt deeply. But if, in addition, a child is subjected to words like "stupid" . . . "careless" . . . "irresponsible" . . . "you'll never learn," he's doubly wounded. Somehow words have a way of lingering long and poisonously. The worst part is that children sometimes pull out

The more you try to push a child's unhappy feelings away, the more he becomes stuck in them.

But let someone really listen, let someone acknowledge my inner pain and give me a chance to talk more about what's troubling me, and I begin to feel less upset, less confused, more able to cope with my feelings and my problem.

We are convinced that when our classrooms really work, they work because relationships are working. And relationships work when communication is humane and caring.

It's hard for a child to think clearly or constructively when someone is questioning, blaming, or advising her.

4. YOU CAN GIVE THE CHILD HIS WISHES IN FANTASY. "I wish I could make the banana ripe for you right now!

When we urge a child to push a bad feeling away— however kindly—the child seems to get only more upset.

If someone really listens, acknowledges my emotional pain, and gives me the opportunity to talk more about it, I then "begin to feel less upset.

Steady denial of feelings can confuse and enrage kis. Also teaches them not to know what their feelings are--not to trust them.